


Lay Me to Rest

by Erwin_Smith



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Job, Bottom Armin, Consensual Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Underage - Freeform, Winmin - Freeform, bottom erwin, canon complient, canonverse, erumin, manga spoilers up to chapter 90, potential third season spoilers, some of these tags won't apply to the first chapter(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2018-11-16 16:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11256462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erwin_Smith/pseuds/Erwin_Smith
Summary: "Am I really worth something to you?"Armin nodded quietly at the question. It was true. Erwin was… ridiculously handsome. He was strong, he was tall… but it was more than that. He cared so deeply. He would barely show it, but Armin had spent so much time working with him. He could see the little nuances that gave Erwin away from his cold outer shell. “You mean so much,” Armin whispered, squeezing his eyes shut, trembling as he held the man.To Armin, Erwin was everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a fanfic I've been trying out since January. I've deleted drafts of it twice between then and March. Finally, I am beginning to post it on here. I have a couple thousand words wrote out for it already. This is only the first chapter. I hope to finish this story soon...
> 
> Special thanks to glassesgirl0401 (Tumblr) /[Arlene0401](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlene0401/profile) for beta-ing this chapter for me.
> 
>  **Note** : The tags presented in additional tags all won't apply to this chapter, but later chapters.

It was a nightmare that brought Armin to Erwin in the middle of the night. He woke up with his blond bangs plastered to his sweaty forehead and his bandages damp. His breathing was fast and heavy. That night they had returned from the 57th expedition beyond the Walls. The expedition which could have resulted in his very death.  
  
When he arrived at the Commander’s room, he could make out the faint light of lanterns flickering from underneath the door and the sound of papers rustling. He breathed out a sigh of relief that Erwin was still awake. Armin knocked on the door softly. The rustling stopped and was replaced with the sound of a chair backing up. The soft pattering of feet followed.  
  
Armin cleared his throat as the door opened, saluting. “Commander.”  
  
“Arlert?” A thick brow raised. “What are you doing awake at this hour?”  
  
“M-May I come in?” Armin asked, his voice low. He lowered his head, staring down at Erwin’s bare feet. His arms were shaky and his breathing was still fast. Erwin nodded and stepped aside for the younger to pass before he closed the door behind him.  
  
“You’re sweating and shaking.”  
  
“I had a nightmare, sir,” Armin replied and fumbled with his hands. He still didn’t meet Erwin’s gaze. “It was about the expedition.”  
  
Erwin placed a hand on Armin’s shoulder, causing the younger man to freeze and look up at him. “Do you want to talk about the nightmare or talk about what happened on the mission again?”  
  
“I’ll tell you about the nightmare while it’s still fresh on my mind,” Armin said, raising his hand and accidentally brushing Erwin’s for a moment. He swallowed against the lump in his throat and blushed, quickly moving his hand away.  
  
“Very well,” Erwin said and granted the soldier one of his rare smiles. “Follow me.”  
  
Erwin led Armin through the doorway and out of his office area and into his bedroom, offering him a seat on the bed. Armin hesitated at first but complied when the older man patted the spot beside him. Erwin didn’t look away from him until he sat down beside him. Armin swirled his thumbs around one another deep in thought. “I didn’t make it back from the expedition in my nightmare. After the Female Titan knocked me from my horse and removed my hood, she didn’t let me go. I was pleading for her to let go. Screaming even. And then she…” Armin trailed off and shook his head, unable to finish.  
  
“I see,” Erwin responded. “You don’t need to finish telling me what happened if it’s too much for you, Armin. You’re here now and that’s what matters. She can’t hurt you now. You’re safe inside the walls. You’re safe with me.” The last came out quiet. Armin heard Erwin swallow.  
  
“You’re welcome to sleep over tonight if you wish,” Erwin suggested. “I can sleep on the couch and you can have my bed.”  
  
“No, sir. That’s fine. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”  
  
“You are no burden to me, Armin. I enjoy your company and I appreciate the help you give. You’re great at organizing all of my documents. You’re a wonderful assistant. You deserve the best for all your hard work.” Erwin smiled.  
  
“If you say so, sir,” Armin mumbled shyly, rubbing an arm. “But I feel you deserve your bed much more than I do. I’ve heard Levi mention how many hours at a time you spend on that chair. Your back must kill you. The bed will suit you much better. I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”  
  
“Do you mind if I help you change your bandages?” Erwin shifted the topic. He knew how persistent and occasionally stubborn his young soldier could be. “I noticed they looked a bit damp when you were standing at my door.”  
  
“G-Go ahead,” Armin stuttered and watched as Erwin nodded and got up from the bed, heading to the bathroom for a moment. He returned with a first-aid kit.  
  
“Turn toward me,” Erwin said as he sat down, bending one leg and resting it on the bed. Armin did as he was told, his knee lightly pressing against Erwin’s leg.   
  
Erwin took out a fresh roll of bandages and placed them on the bed. He cut off Armin’s old one and placed it off to the side. While he gently ran his thick fingers through Armin’s hair, he held his breath. Armin’s blond locks were so soft. He didn’t mind the dampness in it. Erwin looked like he was almost in a trance.  
  
“Are you alright, sir?” Armin asked, tilting his head to the side, one eyebrow raised. Erwin made a sound in response, his brows lightly furrowed.  
  
“ _Yeah_ ,” Erwin mumbled and took out a piece of cotton and soaked it in some solution. He gently dabbed at the cut on Armin’s head. Armin hissed in pain when his wound started to sting. “It’s alright. You’re alright,” Erwin soothed, then wrapped the new bandage around his head. He breathed out lightly. “There you go. You can go into the other room and make yourself comfortable while I fetch a fresh sheet for you. Take one of my pillows.”  
  
Armin nodded and picked up one of the soft white pillows. He stood and went into Erwin’s office area, sniffing the pillow once he was out of the Commander’s eyesight. Erwin’s intoxicatingly musky smell was thick in the pillow. It made the butterflies in Armin’s stomach flutter wildly. He placed it on the couch.  
  
“Armin, if you get too cold, I have a warmer blanket in the closet,” Erwin said as he approached him with a thin white sheet folded neatly in his hands.  
  
“The sheet will be fine, sir.”  
  
“Alright.” Erwin smiled lightly and handed it to his soldier. Their fingers touched for a brief second as Armin took the sheet from him.  
  
Armin unfolded the sheet and gave it a light shake, laying back and covering his body with it. It smelled clean and comforting. He smiled in return. “Thank you, Commander. I hope you sleep well.”  
  
“You too. No more nightmares.” He was at the desk now, blowing out the lanterns’ flames, smiling at Armin as he extinguished the last one. Armin could barely make out Erwin’s form as he went back into the bedroom.  
  
Armin turned onto his side so he could get a better whiff of the wonderful scent in the pillow. It was so pleasant. So _Erwin_. The older blond was so handsome, tall, strong, smart, and kind. And his smiles...  
  
Erwin’s smiles were permanently etched into his mind.  
  
Armin hadn’t seen a smile more beautiful than Erwin Smith’s.

  
.*.*.*. 

A few days later, Armin came back in the middle of the night.  
  
“Another nightmare, sir,” Armin spoke quietly, rubbing at one eye exhaustedly. It was his second nightmare that week. He was wearing a pair of loose-fitting tan sleeping clothes that were slightly tattered. His blond hair was tousled from tossing and turning, no doubt. “I’m sorry for bothering you again.”  
  
Erwin shook his head and stepped aside for Armin to pass. “You don’t bother me. Come in.”  
  
Armin nodded faintly and took up Erwin’s offer. He closed the door and glanced up at him. “Thank you,” he mumbled and stifled a yawn into the back of his hand. “It was the same nightmare if you’re wondering.”  
  
“As I expected. I...I hope it goes away,” Erwin said as he looked his soldier over briefly. Armin wasn’t wearing the bandages tonight. “How is your head feeling, by the way?”  
  
“It’s fine. The scrapes scabbed over and I’m feeling much better. Thank you for asking,” Armin said. Erwin nodded.  
  
“Why don’t we have a seat?” Erwin asked and slipped an arm around Armin’s shoulders as he guided him over to the sofa. Armin’s heart leaped at the added weight of the older man. The two males sat and chatted away.  
  
The whole time they conversed, Armin couldn’t look away from the Commander. The more time Armin had spent with Erwin, the more fluttery his stomach and heart felt. Armin noticed Erwin seemed happier each time he saw him, too. Erwin’s smile would look almost brighter each day. Sometimes on those days, Armin would catch Erwin looking at him. He didn’t know how often Erwin would do it, but he frequently found himself unable to tear his gaze away from him; Armin was always busily distracted, making sure everything was organized properly for Erwin.  
  
After a while of talking, Armin began to tire once more. He couldn’t stop the yawns that were coming much more often. Erwin took notice and decided to finally speak up. “I shouldn’t keep you up any longer. It’s rather late now,” he said softly. Their hands were close to one another, pinkies nearly touching. Armin swallowed the small lump that was in his throat and nodded.  
  
“You’re not keeping me up, though. I enjoyed talking with you. I always enjoy talking with you,” Armin said. Smiling lightly at Erwin, Armin could tell he was searching for a response. He thought it was rather adorable that the Commander didn’t know what to say.  
  
“Thank you, Armin. I…” Erwin stopped with a nervous chuckle. His cheeks burned in the darkness, thankful that Armin wouldn’t be able to notice. “I appreciate it. You never seemed to have a problem being around me as much as you are. I can’t thank you enough.”  
  
“There’s no need to continue thanking me. I know how stressful your job is and then some, being the Commander and all. I’ll always help you out as much as I can, no matter how much you stubbornly protest it.”  
  
“And your stubborn Commander will still appreciate it.”  
  
Armin smiled and slowly put his hand over Erwin’s and squeezed it lightly. The top of Erwin’s hand was warm and a bit on the rough side. He laced his smaller fingers between Erwin's much larger ones. Both of their hearts were doing flips. Armin eyed Erwin’s lips for a moment but shied away. “You can go get me the pillow and sheet now.”  
  
Erwin nodded hesitantly and Armin moved his hand away. Once Erwin was gone, Armin let out a deep breath and looked at his hand he had been holding Erwin’s with. He could still feel the warmth from Erwin coursing through it. It felt so empty now. They both didn't want to let go.  
  
“Here you go, Armin,” Erwin said as he returned with the same pillow and sheet the younger man had used a few nights ago. Armin took them and said a soft thank you to him. Erwin nodded in response and watched as Armin stood and placed the pillow down, fluffing it to make it more comfortable. “Goodnight.”  
  
Armin glanced at Erwin and smiled lightly. “Goodnight, Commander. No nightmares.”  
  
“No nightmares.”

.*.*.*.

  
Erwin sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his right hand after he left Armin on the couch. He couldn’t shake the feeling of Armin’s hand over his and how great the difference there was between the two. Armin’s was small, soft, and cool. Erwin’s was large, rough, and warm. Together, the two hands felt amazing.  
  
He laid back and glanced at the doorway. Armin appeared to be asleep. Erwin rolled away and pulled the sheet up. He closed his eyes and let out a slow breath, thoughts of Armin flooding his mind.  
  
It wouldn’t be the first time that happened.

*.*.*.

 

Erwin was fast asleep after a while, his breathing calm, his back still to Armin. Armin had awakened to use the bathroom after a couple hours of peaceful sleep. Afterward, he watched Erwin silently through the doorway from his position on the sofa in the office. Through the darkness of the room, Armin was barely able to make out the outline of Erwin’s large, strong body under the thin sheet. The faint moonlight peeking through the window wasn’t enough. Armin shivered softly under the spare sheet. He sat up and pushed it off. The floor creaked softly as Armin tiptoed out of Erwin’s office and over to the bed. His heart started to beat quickly in his chest. The palms of his hands were dampened a bit by sweat. Slowly and carefully, he climbed over Erwin's body and moved under the covers beside him.  
  
Armin released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was snuggled up to the Commander and could feel the heat radiating from his body. He could pick up the slight musky outdoor smell of his body now that he was much closer to him than before. Erwin hadn’t showered for a few nights it seemed and it was intoxicating, yet Armin was nervous. _What if he wakes up_ , he thought. He bit his lip. Certainly, he would be mad at Armin, wouldn’t he? A young soldier like him sleeping with Commander Erwin Smith? Yet he couldn’t find the willpower to move away from him now.  
  
Armin wanted to touch Erwin. He wanted to touch his muscular chest, run his hand along the muscles that made up his body; gently touch the sharp cheekbones, large nose, and gloriously thick eyebrows. The man was truly handsome. There was nothing Armin could do to suppress anything that he had been feeling towards the Commander of the Survey Corps.  
  
Somewhere in the middle of the night, when Armin was finally out like a lamplight, Erwin shifted around in his sleep. His left arm had somehow unconsciously found its way around the younger man beside him. He held Armin protectively, nestling him against his strong chest. Their faces were mere centimeters apart. Armin didn’t utter a sound, nor did he squirm in protest.  
  
They stayed together like that for the rest of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2 finally after forever. I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Special thanks once again to [glassesgirl0401](glassesgirl0401.tumblr.com) (Tumblr)/ [Arlene0401](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlene0401/profile) for beta-ing this again for me. ♥
> 
> Please, please, please leave me some kudos and feedback if you like it. It's very encouraging for writers!

The following morning, Erwin was the first to wake up. He let out a long, deep breath as he did. Armin whined softly. Erwin’s eyes shot open and he almost gasped when he saw a messy blond head of hair underneath the covers nestled beside him in the bed. Color rose to Erwin’s cheeks. His heart was beating loudly and he hoped Armin wouldn’t be able to hear it. The Commander gazed at his sleeping face, his heart skipping a beat at how close they were to one another. _One of my soldiers is in bed with me. One of my soldiers is in_ bed _with me_ , his mind screamed at him over and over. He could have sworn that Armin was fast asleep on the couch not long after he got settled in with the spare pillow and sheet. If Erwin tried to move away and accidentally woke Armin, things would get even more awkward between them. Poor Armin would be shaken up and embarrassed at being found out. Maybe Erwin should stay in the bed and pretend not to have noticed anything in his sleep. He sucked in a deep breath.

Armin looked so peaceful while he rested. Erwin moved his arm from around Armin and gently pulled the sheet down a little. His eyes traveled down to Armin’s soft pink lips. The older man’s hands started to shake and his heart felt like it jumped up into his throat. Slowly he placed one of his large hands on Armin’s cheek. It was so soft and a pleasantly calming temperature against his rough hand. Armin lightly tensed, a quiet sound escaping his lips, and he moved his face to Erwin’s bare chest. The young man’s hand found his hip. Erwin froze and held his breath for a few moments.

He wanted to kiss him. _Erwin_ wanted to kiss Armin. He was bound to wake up, though. _Would it be the right thing to do? Could I take the risk_ , he asked himself. _Armin did crawl into bed with me after all…_

He may never get the opportunity again.

Without another thought, he covered Armin's lips with his own. His heart beat even quicker and he closed his eyes. Armin’s lips were surprisingly soft. They felt incredible against his own slightly dry, cracked ones.

Erwin put his arm around Armin once more and held him a bit tighter. The younger soldier wiggled against him and made a nearly inaudible sound. His cerulean eyes opened a crack and were met with the Commander’s face right next to his. It took him a second to realize what they were doing.

Armin’s eyes widened then and he felt like his heart was about to cease beating. He was being kissed by _Erwin_. Erwin Smith was _kissing him_.

He shifted his gaze down to the hand that was on Erwin’s hip. Slowly it moved to Erwin’s hair as Armin tangled his fingers in the blond strands, the palm of his hand resting on the soft brown undercut. Armin closed his eyes and lightly worked his lips against Erwin’s.

Erwin took in a sharp breath and pulled away. Armin’s eyes opened slowly and he looked up at Erwin. Both of their faces became crimson. “C-Commander.”

They both then scrambled into a sitting position on the bed, their hearts pounding a mile a minute. “Armin, I—”

“N-No. I-It was m-my fault, s-sir. I c-climbed in here last n-night,” Armin muttered as he scurried over the Commander’s big, strong legs. He accidentally slammed his knee a bit too hard into Erwin’s leg, causing a painful grunt to escape his lips. “I-I’m sorry. I’m s-sorry,” he said as he walked to the door as quickly as he could without practically running there. Armin wiped furiously at his eyes with his hand as tears let their way out.

Erwin just sat there dumbfounded, watching as Armin left him.

.*.*.*.

As soon as he was in the hallway, Armin accelerated. He ran straight to his sleeping quarters and slammed the door shut behind him. He threw himself into his bed and cried softly into his pillow. His body quivered. Armin felt embarrassed that he left so soon. That he didn’t try to discuss what happened between them. That he just left Erwin there to think all alone and wonder where he went wrong. After all, he made it seem that he enjoyed being kissed by Erwin.

The thing was that Armin wasn’t angry that Erwin kissed him. He didn’t regret climbing into bed with him. He didn’t want the kiss to end. He didn’t even want to just hurry up and leave him.

Armin’s shyness and fear took over and made him leave. Those were two of the things Armin hated about himself. He was bold when he wanted to be, but once fear and shyness set in he were powerless. He wondered if it screwed things up with Erwin. It would almost make sense that he did. He felt ashamed for leaving.

Sobs began to wrack his body and he didn’t hear the sound of his door opening. “Hey, Armin.”

Armin tensed and moved onto his knees, his back to the door. He wiped furiously at his eyes and sniffled. “Y-Yes?” he glanced back to see Eren and Mikasa standing in the doorway. They both had concern lined across their faces. Eren held a tray of food.

“Is everything alright? You weren’t in here when we came by earlier and you weren’t in the dining hall either,” Eren said.

“It was just a nightmare. Nothing to worry about. I’m fine. I had to get some fresh air,” Armin mumbled, looking down at the bed. “Leave the tray on the nightstand. I’ll get to it. Thank you.”

Eren and Mikasa exchanged glances. His friend hesitated but complied and set the tray where Armin wanted it. “You know where to find us. I’m sure the Commander will be concerned, too, if you don’t show up to help him out. We’ll let him know what’s going on if we run into him.”

Armin winced slightly at the mention of Erwin and nodded softly. “Thank you,” he said again, much more quietly, though. Eren and Mikasa then departed, Mikasa, giving a soft glance back at Armin as she trailed behind Eren. Her gray eyes looked soft and caring, then she closed the door.

.*.*.*.

As soon as Erwin joined his friends at their usual spot in the dining hall, Mike was the first one to notice something different about the Commander. His powerful nose picked up a strange scent on Erwin. It caused the other man to chuckle and grin mischievously.

“So who’s the lucky one that got to sleep with you last night?” Mike asked, the grin not leaving his face. Erwin’s cheeks instantly flushed red and he looked down at his breakfast.

“Nobody,” Erwin said back.

“C’mon, Smith. You can tell us. We’re your friends,” Mike said and clapped his hand on Erwin’s back. “Don’t be shy. You used to talk about your infatuation with Marie all the time.”

“That was then, Mike. This is… different,” Erwin said, the color not leaving his cheeks. He brought his cup of coffee up to his lips and took a long drink from it.

“So was it Levi?” Mike asked, followed by Erwin choking on his coffee. Erwin hit his chest with his fist, his cheeks growing even redder.

“N-No!” Erwin sputtered.

“Mike, don’t pressure Erwin. If he’s not ready to tell, that’s fine,” Nanaba lightly scolded, squeezing Mike’s large hand under the table. The woman’s eyebrows were knitted into a tiny frown. She leaned forward a bit so she could look past Mike and over to Erwin, who managed to calm himself down. “Sorry about this big oaf. He’s still the same big oaf like he was as a Cadet.”

“But I’m the same big oaf that you’ve loved all these years.” Mike grinned again. Nanaba rolled her eyes in a playful manner and rested her head on his shoulder, mumbling a soft “right.”

Mike went back to eating and Erwin pushed around a piece of potato with his fork. He was lost in thought and did his best not to show it. Nanaba, on the other hand, noticed something was bothering Erwin. She could tell he was upset about something. Erwin usually never let his guard down like that. She wondered what was bothering him, but didn’t want to pry.

She didn’t know that the little incident with Armin was filling his thoughts.

.*.*.*.

Erwin played with the emerald stone of his bolo tie for a moment as he picked up his pencil. His mind wandered to Armin once again, wondering if he was okay. The kiss was unexpected for Armin. Erwin knew it _had_ to be. Yet...Armin seemed into it. Startled afterward, but still into it nonetheless.

Erwin let go of the stone, rubbed his hand down his face and sighed. He looked down at the large piece of paper in front of him and began to sketch. He had been working on the map since an expedition earlier in the year. It was one of the many maps he made during his time in the Survey Corps. Mapping and drawing were two of Erwin’s favorite things to do besides reading.

“Commander?” sounded followed by a soft knock. Erwin lowered his pencil and cleared his throat.

“Come in,” he paused and glanced up at the door from his work, “Armin.”

The door clicked open and Armin slowly appeared from behind it. He pressed the door closed with his backside. Armin was rubbing the back of his blond head shyly. “Hey, Commander. A-About earlier—”

“It’s okay,” Erwin interrupted. “It was selfish on my part to kiss you like that when you were asleep. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t agree with that part, sir. I didn’t think you were being selfish.” Armin opened his mouth to say more but stopped himself. _I enjoyed it._

“You were asleep, Armin. I shouldn't have done that. I’m sorry,” Erwin said, looking down. Armin shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. Don’t be . . . don’t be sorry. I was the one who was sleeping beside you.” He slowly walked over to the desk and looked at the map. “I’m not angry with you. I could never be angry with you, Commander.”

“Erwin. Call me Erwin,” he said softly and looked back at the handsome young man standing in front of him. Armin met his gaze for a brief moment and he gave a small nod.

“This map is amazing. It must have taken you awhile,” Armin said in awe, eyes wide for a moment when he got to take it all in. Erwin chuckled.

“Yes, it has. I started it after a few expeditions during my free time at night. It’s something I’ve enjoyed doing for a while. I thought it would be important to map out as much area beyond the walls as I could.” Erwin rubbed his chin and watched as Armin rounded the corner of his desk and stood by his chair.

“I could help you with your maps if you don’t mind. I used to draw a lot with my grandfather when I was much younger. It was one of my favorite hobbies along with reading.” Armin smiled at him and Erwin’s heart skipped.

“You don’t have to do that. You already do so much with organizing my documents. I couldn’t ask you do to anymore and take time away from the things you enjoy doing,” Erwin said.

“You’re not.” Armin bent down and reached for the pencil in Erwin’s hand, the palm of his hand brushing against Erwin. Erwin held his breath and looked at their hands, blushing as he then noticed that Armin had shifted his gaze to him. The two stared into each other’s blue eyes for what seemed like hours. It was as if they were in a hypnotic trance.

In a flash, Erwin pulled Armin close and he launched himself onto Erwin’s lap. Their lips were pressed together in an instant. Armin’s slender fingers tangled in the blond strands of his Commander’s hair, while Erwin’s arms were wrapped firmly around his waist. Their eyes fell closed as they melted into the kiss.

Armin’s heart started to beat quicker. He could feel Erwin’s racing against his chest. There was no denying that Erwin couldn’t feel Armin’s as well. The shyness started to settle in Armin again. It was making him become nervous. His palms felt a bit damp and he fought himself to not pull away from Erwin. He didn’t want to disappoint him. He didn’t want to risk making things awkward and complicated. But he knew Erwin would understand why he pulled back. Erwin was always understanding.

Armin had to be brave. His feelings for Erwin were as strong as ever. They could never go back now. Not after sharing two kisses.

Armin swallowed the lump that was in his throat and tilted his head to a small angle. He pushed his tongue out between his lips, and, with a bit of hesitation, stroked the bottom of Erwin’s lip. Erwin made a surprised sound at that but didn’t open his eyes or pull back. He didn’t expect Armin to make a move like that at all. Erwin granted Armin permission to enter his mouth anyway.

Their tongues danced together in a blissful harmony. Neither one of them could care about the taste of their breakfasts on their tongues. The only thing that mattered was each other.

When the need for oxygen hit them, they gazed into one another’s eyes, foreheads resting against one another’s. Their cheeks were tinted red and they panted softly. Erwin brought a hand up to brush a lock of hair out of Armin’s face, then rested his hand on his cheek.

“I didn’t want to run away earlier,” Armin whispered. “I felt so bad and ashamed afterward.”

“You had every right to do so, Armin. You know it.”

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, Armin. Of course not,” Erwin said and stroked his cheek softly. “I’m glad that I found you next to me this morning. We may not have reached this point.”

Armin looked down. “I wanted to be near you. You smelled so intoxicating last night. And your features… I wanted to feel them,” he admitted. “I couldn’t stop myself.”

“This is going to be a big risk for us,” Erwin declared softly. Armin frowned lightly and nodded. He moved down to rest his head against Erwin’s strong chest.

“I know.” Armin chewed lightly on his lower lip. “But...I want to take the risk. I want to be with you, Erwin. I _need_ to be with you. I’ve cared about you for so long that I couldn’t stop thinking about you. When I first saw you at the choosing ceremony, I thought you were the most handsome man alive. My mind was already set on joining the Corps, but I never thought that _this_ would come along with it.”

“I never thought that something like _this_ would happen either. I didn’t plan on anything of this sort to happen. I hadn’t kissed anyone in many, many years. Since I was about your age. When my relationship ended back then, I told myself that I would stay single for all the years I would be alive in the Survey Corps. I don’t know when I will die.”

That worried Armin. He didn’t want Erwin to die. He didn’t want to die. Armin couldn’t bear the thought of one leaving the other behind now. “Nothing will happen to you,” Armin said quickly. He prayed that nothing would happen to Erwin. _Ever._

Erwin was silent for a few moments after that and he shifted on the chair. “I don’t know what anyone will think of this, but I don’t care what anyone else may think. I want to be with you too, Armin.”

Armin raised his head and gazed into Erwin’s icy blue eyes yet again. “Y-You really mean it?” he whispered.

“Yes,” Erwin breathed out. A shaky smile formed on Armin’s lips and he felt his eyes tear up. This time it was from happiness. This time the tears were something Armin didn’t mind letting out. Erwin gently brushed them away with his thumbs. He had a smile of his own on his face.

The two of them shared another kiss. One that whispered the bond that would continue to grow between the two.

They had one another now and that was what mattered.

.*.*.*.

Armin stayed with Erwin well into the afternoon. Erwin didn’t have nearly much to do like he normally did. He drew a little bit and Armin stood by the window. He watched birds fly away freely. Some went over the Walls. Armin wished he could do the same. He wished he and Erwin could go and be free. Free from the titans. That time would come someday, he hoped.

Armin’s thoughts grew a bit deeper after a while. His brows were furrowed. Erwin took notice when he looked back at him and raised a brow in concern. “Is everything okay, Armin?”

“I...I think I know who the Female Titan is.”

Erwin slowly placed his pencil down on the desk and listened.

“It’s Annie Leonhardt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed. I hiope it doesn't take me as long to get the next chapters up. There's so many ship weeks coming up that I want to participate in. Rip.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: [commander-erwin-smith](https://commander-erwin-smith.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to write. When I started writing it, I didn't really have much prewritten for this one. I didn't have much motivation to write either. That's something I struggle with. This was also a harder chapter to write as so much was happening during this time frame in the anime/manga. I wanted to throw in a little interaction between Armin and Erwin. The locations in this are sort of confusing and don't really match up to the anime/manga. I tried to do my own thing to fit in the interactions.
> 
> I haven't been feeling 100% happy with my writing lately. It's a usual thing for me, but I struggled so much recently. I get so discouraged when I read fanfictions that are so much better than mine.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this. I'm sorry I didn't publish much sooner. I hated taking so long to post this chapter. I don't want to keep my readers away for too long anymore, but I probably won't be able to keep up very well. :x
> 
> This is unbeta-ed so I apologize for any mistakes I happened to miss. I hope everything makes sense.
> 
> Nsfw content toward the end. It's not my strongest subject, but I hope I wrote it well enough...

In the end Armin was right. He was brilliant. His evidence was golden. The Female Titan was defeated and she was none other than Annie Leonhardt. Armin pieced together the details he picked up since the Female Titan was first spotted. He noticed during the equipment check after the Battle of Trost and saw that Annie had Marco’s gear. Then the killing of Sonny and Bean using the gear. Next, on the 57th expedition outside the walls, he noticed the way Annie acted in her titan form. She didn’t kill Armin. She recognized him and let him go. Armin was able to confuse her the second time he encountered her and tricked her to believe that Eren was dead. It didn’t work for long, though. Eren was captured, but later rescued by Levi and Mikasa not too long after.

Armin came forward with his evidence and she was captured. If Armin wouldn’t have picked up those details that lead to his theory that it was her things would have turned out much differently in the long run.

Eren managed to defeat her in the Stohess District, which was where Erwin devised as the capturing point since Annie lived in the interior after joining the Military Police. It didn’t go nearly as planned. When Mikasa shot off the signal flare, the citizens that were hiding weren’t able to stop Annie from shifting when she had a plan of her own. Many people died during the battle. Citizens and Survey Corps members alike, before Eren was able to stop her.  
  
Unfortunately, she crystallized herself after her defeat before anyone could capture her for interrogation. The crystal casing was very strong. Not even the sharpness of the blades was able to break it. With that happening, Annie was taken deep underground and monitored by soldiers if she broke free. If she did escape she wouldn’t have been able to shift and hopefully the soldiers guarding her would be able to subdue her.  
  
The other problem was what was living inside the wall. When Annie tried to scale it to escape, her hardened fingers damaged parts of it. After Mikasa sliced off her fingers, she had seen a titan nearly the same size of the wall staring out over the city. The titan was quickly covered, though, to prevent the sunlight from giving it energy. Armin was afraid of that new discovery. If titans were in the walls, what if one day they broke out?  
  
Then devastating news came about Wall Rose. Armin was in the debrief with Jean and a messenger came in and warned everyone there, including Erwin, that titans had been spotted. His heart started to race nervously and he paled. Titans breached this wall now? Where would humanity retreat to if titans were in Rose? He wondered how they got in, how many were there, and how they’d be able to stop them all from spreading. Wall Sina would never be able to hold everyone if the situation got even worse. More people would die trying to escape just like what happened when Wall Maria was breached and Shiganshina attacked.  
  
Erwin saw the sudden shift in his lover’s expression. He could tell Armin was frightened, if not beyond that now. Armin looked to Erwin, the fear clear in his cerulean eyes. Erwin nodded toward the door. The young man’s interrogation was finished, as was Jean’s, but the latter didn’t budge. Instead, Armin excused himself from the table and tried to hang on to his composure as he exited the room. He pressed his hands lightly against his eyes and shook his head a few times as he sprinted down the hallway. Armin had to get back to Eren and Mikasa. He had to warn them.

_**.*.*.*.** _

Erwin was a bit exhausted once he returned. He was pacing back and forth deep in thought in the room. It was getting late. The meeting went exactly how Erwin thought it would. The higher-ups weren’t too happy with the two titans that fought in Stohess. So much of it had gotten destroyed while Eren and Annie were battling it out in the streets. Civilians and Survey Corps soldiers were killed due to the flying debris caused by the two, or from trying to stop Annie.  
  
That plan was the only workable one. It was the only way to catch her. Erwin remembered the look on Armin’s face when the higher-ups showed their true colors toward his decision. The men thought Erwin’s plan was reckless. That worried Armin, but Erwin didn’t know. He didn’t know that Armin worried about what the mission would do to his Commander’s reputation; if it would cause it to become worse.

 _At least the Military Police are going to leave the safety of the Interior to check on the areas under the titan's threat._  
  
A fast knock on his door stopped the older man mid-pace. Erwin cleared his throat and faced the door as he stepped closer to it. “Come in.”  
  
He watched as Armin threw the door open. His soldier was already donning his Survey Corps uniform. “Erwin,” Armin said softly and threw himself into the older man’s arms. He held him tightly and buried his face into his shirt. The smaller blond breathed in Erwin’s musky scent, the scent Armin grew to love more and more each day. “I needed to see you again before we leave…”  
  
Erwin reached forward with his foot and nudged the door closed, his own strong arms wrapping around Armin’s small body. “I’m here, Armin,” he whispered, pressing his lips to damp messy blond hair. “You did well. I’m proud of you. Without your tremendous ability to pick up on the evidence, who knows if we would have gotten to this point. Who knows how many more lives would have been lost.”  
  
“I-I still can’t believe it was her.” Armin was crying. Erwin could feel the slight dampness against his shirt. The Commander continued to hold him, not letting him go just yet. Armin sniffled and glanced up at Erwin. Erwin kissed underneath Armin’s eyes and smudged the salty tears that came down. “Where were my other friends? Sasha, Connie, Reiner, Bertholdt… They weren’t there during the battle…”  
  
“Mike and his squad are taking care of them along with the other recruits from the 104th. It was important to isolate them from this mission in case if any of them have ties to Annie. Your other friends are unaware of what happened for now, but I can assure you that they are in good hands. How is Eren feeling?”  
  
“He looked better. He was sitting up in bed before Jean and I had to leave for debriefing,” Armin replied, rubbing an eye. He stepped back from the embrace and held Erwin’s large hands. “When I went back to warn him and Mikasa about Wall Rose, I didn’t stay long enough to see their reactions.”  
  
Erwin gave a slow nod in understanding. “I see. Are you all ready to go?” he asked softly. Armin nodded. His hands were shaking. The Commander squeezed his hands lightly, reassuringly. “You’ll be okay out there. You’re brave. I’ll be riding for a bit until I have to return back here again.”  
  
“What’s gonna happen, Erwin?” Armin’s voice was strained.  
  
“I do know that we need to find where the titans got in. Hopefully, your friend will be able to seal the wall with the rubble if needed before more titans come. We need to take this one step at a time.”  
  
“Be careful.” Armin knew titans weren’t active at night. At least that was what he was taught. He hoped that was true. They wouldn’t be able to spread quickly to the other districts then.

  
Erwin’s rough hand moved to Armin’s face. He stroked the boy’s cheek. Armin looked up and was met by a pair of warm, inviting lips. He didn’t protest it. He would never get tired of Erwin’s lips. Armin gladly returned the kiss until Erwin pulled back. “I…I need to wait for Levi. Despite his injury, he might be coming with. At least part way with me. When the rest of you stop for the night, come look for me before I have to leave for Trost.”  
  
“Yes, Erwin,” came Armin’s soft reply. He gazed up at him for a moment before he left.

 _ **.*.*.*.**_  

Erwin played with the ends of his bolo tie as he looked out the window behind his desk when he heard the door open.  
  
“Why can’t those sons of bitches give us a moment’s peace?” Levi grumbled as he closed the door. Erwin heard two pairs of footsteps and slowly turned around. The man, Thomas, who delivered the news of the titans during the meeting was with the shorter raven-haired man.  
  
“Are you well enough to go?” Erwin asked as he looked back at the two, his eyes settling on Levi for a moment. He was wearing a black jacket he let him borrow.  
  
“It’s not like I have a choice,” Levi replied a cold expression crossing his face as he frowned softly.  
  
“With Mike in charge of the 104th soldiers, they will be safe. Mike knows what he’s doing,” the other man spoke up enthusiastically. Those were almost the same words Erwin had spoken to Armin.  
  
“Yes, let’s hope so,” Erwin replied, a stern expression on his face as he turned back to the window. He hoped that his best friend since the Cadets and everyone else would be able to handle things and go unharmed. He was certain that was too much to ask for. Especially in this cruel world.

 _ **.*.*.*.**_  

“We’ve been protected by titans for all these years?” Armin looked down at his hands through the torchlight while the cart moved. He tried to think about that much more positive reason about the walled titans. It helped reduce his uneasiness and calm his nerves, but he still worried about what was going to happen with everything else.

“That’s what it seems,” Hange replied as she turned over the rock-like object that was found by Eren and Annie’s evaporating bodies. She had a deep, concentrated look on her face.

Commander Erwin was leading them to Ehrmich District. The soldiers were going to stay there for the night and meet up with Mike and the others in the morning.

There wasn’t much talking going on. Eren bickered with Pastor Nick, but Armin ignored it. He would occasionally look ahead to try and watch Erwin riding bravely in the lead. Armin tried to not make it seem obvious especially when Eren rose a brow at his friend. Eren and Mikasa were surprised at first back when Armin started spending a lot of time helping Erwin out. They didn’t seem to catch on to the growing relationship between their friend and the Commander of the Survey Corps. Armin felt bad sometimes that he was keeping the relationship a secret from his two childhood best friends. One day he hoped to tell them. He hoped they would be understanding.

 _ **.*.*.*.**_  

Armin and Hange both came to the conclusion that the walls were made from the titans’ hardened skin. The “rock” that Hange had was actually a hardened skin fragment of Annie’s that did not evaporate. Hange proposed that Eren would be able to do the same, in turn, sealing the hole in Wall Maria. It was a great plan for them to try. Armin suggested to try going at night and Levi believed it was crucial for humanity’s survival whether or not Eren was able to seal the hole.

Later on, when Armin spotted Erwin motioning to him, his mind was swimming with how Krista had the right to speak about the Walls’ truth, revealed by Pastor Nick. Armin rubbed his eyes and sighed.

“Are you okay, Armin?” Erwin asked softly as he took his hand and started leading the smaller to a clearing of trees. Armin gave a small nod in reply.

“Just thinking way too much,” he mumbled. Erwin picked up speed and Armin did the same. When he glanced up at Erwin, he had a tiny smile on his face. The two were now sprinting to the trees.

“I feel like a teenager,” Erwin said with a breathy chuckle as he glanced behind to make sure nobody spotted them running off to the little forest.

“I’ve never snuck out before,” Armin said back. Soon, they stopped, panting softly. Erwin smiled again and kissed Armin’s forehead.

“I’m glad that I was able to find you.”

“I’m glad, too. Things were starting to get a bit overwhelming. It was nice to get away from Hange, Levi, and Pastor Nick. There’s too much to think about in one night. I doubt I’ll sleep well later tonight,” Armin said. “Who knows what tomorrow will bring.”

“I don’t want you to be too tired. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you out here.”

“No, Erwin, it’s fine. I like being around you. I wish that I could stay with you.” Armin looked up at him, face growing warm despite the sad sigh he let out. “But I’m needed on this mission and you will be needed elsewhere.”

“One day we will be victorious and defeat the titans for good and then we will get to be together for the rest of our lives,” Erwin vowed, placing his hands on Armin’s cheeks. “Until then, I want to spend every moment I can with you, Armin.”

Armin’s heart fluttered and he leaned up and kissed Erwin. Their eyes fell closed and they let all their worries fly away. Armin’s hands found their way to Erwin’s chest. They traveled around the strong features, rubbing small circles over his pecs. Armin accidentally brushed over one of Erwin’s nipples. Erwin shivered and broke the kiss, panting softly.

“I’m sorry,” Armin breathed out, looking away in embarrassment. His body felt hotter than normal. Images of Erwin’s chest flashed in his mind. He didn’t know what the man looked like for sure without a shirt on, but his imagination was doing wonders.

“Armin,” Erwin whispered and tilted the teen’s head back toward him with gentle fingers. His nipples were now hard from Armin. The moonlight did a good job of breaking through the treetops to make it clear. When Armin noticed, he struggled to look away. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Armin swallowed hard, nodded, and kissed Erwin much rougher that time. Erwin wrapped his arms around Armin and carefully pushed him against a tree. He lifted him up. On instinct, Armin’s slim legs wrapped around Erwin’s broad waist. The kiss was much faster and a bit messier than any they shared before. Erwin closed his eyes and ran his tongue along Armin’s bottom lip. He squeaked softly before he realized what Erwin wanted. Armin gave him permission and parted his lips. A soft moan escaped Armin when he felt Erwin’s warm tongue enter. He could taste the faint remnant of green tea on Erwin’s tongue.

Erwin stroked the roof of Armin’s mouth, tilting his head to the side. The Commander’s heart beat quickly in his chest. Armin waited a few moments and soon he stroked his tongue against Erwin’s. He couldn’t believe what was happening. The two fought for dominance. Erwin came away victorious, his tongue wrapping around his lover’s.

The need to breathe again came much too quickly and they both pulled away with a sharp gasp. Armin lowered his legs and slid down Erwin, gasping when he brushed against something firm and hard. It elicited a soft moan from Erwin.

Erwin was breathing much more heavily. Lust clouded his icy blue eyes. Armin glanced down at the front of Erwin’s pants and blushed. His hands shook and he looked up with wide eyes. One hand moved hesitantly and hovered over Erwin’s groin.

“G-Go ahead,” Erwin stuttered. Sweat was collecting on his forehead. Armin took a few moments, but nodded and placed his hand over Erwin’s bulge. His small hand couldn’t even cover it. It made his stomach do a flip-flop. Slowly, though, Armin began to stroke him through his pants.

Erwin felt weak in the knees and moaned Armin’s name softly. Armin felt the appendage jerk slightly in its tight confines. He held his breath as he pressed a kiss to it, then moved his hands to Erwin’s belts. His hands fumbled with them as he unbuckled the part along his chest as quickly as he could and worked his way down. Erwin assisted him, throwing off his jacket and taking the shoulder piece off, letting it land on the forest floor with a clatter. Erwin’s hands shook as he unbuttoned his white uniform shirt. Once Armin had Erwin’s straps hanging, he pulled Erwin’s shirt off and tossed it with a _whoosh_.

The second his shirt was off, Armin marveled at the man’s chest and stomach. It was so... _perfect_. He placed his hand on his chest and ran it up and down the toned, smooth skin, then down to his hard abs. How he’d love to watch Erwin work out one day…

Erwin licked his lips and glanced down, noticing that Armin had a bulge in his pants as well. “I can see you’re _really_ enjoying yourself, Armin,” he said, his voice sounding deeper.

“I-I can’t help it,” Armin stuttered, looking away in embarrassment. “Y-You’re s-so handsome.”

“You are too,” Erwin replied. “I’d have to tear my gaze away from you sometimes.”

“My handsomeness is nothing compared to you. I’m not much to look at,” Armin mumbled and rubbed the toe of his boot in the grass. Erwin brushed his hand against Armin’s.

“I think you’re perfect in my eyes.”

Armin smiled sheepishly as he removed his jacket and worked on his own straps. Erwin kicked off his boots and removed the leather skirt and the rest of his straps, tossing them in a heap. By then, Armin had his chest straps off and upper body completely undressed. He watched as Erwin unbuttoned his pants. The man’s cock was practically tugging down the zipper, Armin noticed before Erwin could unzip them completely. Erwin tossed them aside once he removed them and glanced at Armin.

Armin bit the inside of his cheek lightly and grabbed at the waistband of Erwin’s underwear with both hands. He took a quiet deep breath and braced himself as he pulled them down. He watched as Erwin’s thick shaft sprung out full and pulsing. _Oh, God. It’s huge!_ Armin blushed again.

“Do you like what you see?” Erwin asked quietly, stepping out his underwear. Armin nodded shyly in return, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head.

“I-It’s so big,” Armin replied. He couldn’t look away.

“And it’s all yours,” Erwin said back, placing his hands on Armin’s cheeks and kissing him roughly on the lips. Armin moaned lightly against him and closed his eyes. He ground against Erwin on instinct, needing friction for the building up pressure between his own legs.

Erwin reached down and tugged on Armin’s leather skirt. Armin held Erwin tightly as he blindly removed his boots, stumbling a bit. His leg straps fell the rest of the way down, followed by his skirt. They broke the kiss and Erwin squatted down, panting as he undone Armin’s pants and pulled them down to his knees. Then came his underwear and Armin felt like he couldn’t breathe. His self-consciousness came in and he quickly tried to cover his cock with his hands, embarrassed by the size.

“Armin, it’s okay,” Erwin soothed and pressed his fingers against his hands. “I’m not going to make fun of you. It doesn’t change how I already feel about you.”

Slowly Armin moved his hands and stared down at him. “Th-Thank you,” he whispered.

“Lay down,” Erwin lightly ordered, and while Armin was doing that, he reached over to his pants and took out a small vial of clear oil from one of the pockets. He placed the vial next to Armin and leaned down and kissed him again.

Armin whimpered and didn’t let it last too long before he whined as he was quickly stretching himself, “P-Please put it in. Cock. No fingers. I’m _hot.”_

Erwin’s brow rose for a moment before he complied. He opened the vial and poured a generous amount of the oil on his throbbing cock. Erwin stroked himself, making sure to spread it around so he could enter Armin easier. He was surprised at how eager Armin was for him.

Erwin waited patiently for Armin, making sure he was prepared enough. When the young man slowly removed his fingers with a soft whine, he positioned himself between his legs. Armin gazed up at him with half-lidded lust filled eyes. “Please, Erwin,” he whispered, reaching up and wrapping his arms underneath Erwin’s, pulling him closer.

“Yes, my Armin,” Erwin replied. He took a deep breath before he slid the head of his cock past the tight rings of muscle.

Armin hissed and gritted his teeth. Erwin’s cock was definitely not like how he imagined his fingers would be. “G-Gah!”

“If it's too much say so. I don't want to hurt you,” Erwin said, biting his lower lip gently.

“I-It’s f-fine. Just go in a-and move s-slowly.”

Erwin leaned down and kissed him. He didn't want to hurt Armin by doing things too quickly. He would allow his lover to adjust.

After a few moments, Armin bucked his hips, letting Erwin know he was ready for sure. Erwin broke the kiss and slowly pushed in as much as Armin’s walls could take. They both groaned.

“Oh Armin,” Erwin moaned lightly in his ear. His cock was almost getting squeezed by Armin. He kissed his cheek and started to thrust.

The moans and groans of the two and the sound of skin slapping together filled the forest. It was the only sounds that could be heard. They were a safe distance away to not have to worry about being heard or getting caught. It was just the two of them, their bodies becoming one.

Erwin’s cock pounded into Armin in all the right places. Armin saw stars and clawed Erwin’s back with every thrust. He couldn't take anymore and climaxed, calling out Erwin’s name. Erwin didn't last long, either. He filled Armin to the brim, his name escaping from him in a short burst.

Erwin panted softly and collapsed in the grass by Armin, a panting sweaty mess. He brushed hair out of Armin’s face and kissed his damp forehead. They laid like that for a while and relaxed before Erwin got up. He searched around for his pants and retrieved his handkerchief and helped Armin clean up. Erwin brought him his uniform and then got dressed in his own. He slipped away the soiled hanky and vial of oil and embraced Armin.

“I better not keep you up any longer,” Erwin whispered. “I had a great time with you.”

Armin nodded and said, “Thank you for making me feel that great.”

“I’d do anything for you, Armin.” With that, Erwin stepped back. “Stay safe tomorrow. Come back home to me.”

“Of course, I will. I’ll be safe,” Armin replied, squeezing Erwin’s hand for a moment. “I promise.”

Erwin pressed his lips to his forehead, letting them linger for a moment before pulling back. He started to walk away, Armin watching, waiting for him to get past the buildings. Once Erwin was out of sight Armin made his move. He listened to the crickets chirping and looked up at the beautiful sky one last time. He couldn’t have asked for a better night even if the next day wasn’t going to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to update this fic again. It's been FIVE months since I've last updated. Yikes.
> 
> Things have been sorta rough. I've been struggling with motivation and just didn't have it to try to update this. Along with the lack of motivation, I feel like my writing is no good. I have so many hits on this story and the amount of kudos and comments don't really reflect it, unfortunately. That is a factor that all ties in with the lack of motivation and wanting to continue.
> 
> Once again, I'm sorry for keeping all of you waiting. I hope that everyone didn't give up on me. Thank you to those who were still reading after the months it took me to get back into writing this. Thank you for sticking around, coming in late, and never giving up on me. I'll try to work harder next time.
> 
> Happy Valentines Day

Erwin’s mind was filled with thoughts of Armin after he departed. They were especially of the _activity_ they shared in the forest that night. He was lying if he said he didn’t miss the young man already. He hoped Armin would be safe, though he knew how brave Armin was. He was incredibly intelligent as well. His ride back to the Trost District went much faster than it seemed from the thoughts that occupied him.

As he lay in bed that night he vowed that after the mission, he would ask Armin to start spending the night with him. He wanted to hold him in his arms and pretend for once that they were safe. That the world wasn’t so cruel. That traveling into titan territory wouldn’t result in one of their deaths. Erwin couldn’t bear the thought of losing Armin. Not after all the time they spent together, all the kisses they shared, and the pleasure they shared just hours ago. There was no other person who could fill the special place in his heart that Armin occupied. He let his final thought be of just the two of them lying together in each other’s arms somewhere peaceful. Somewhere outside the Walls after the titans ceased to exist. Somewhere where they could be safe.

_**.*.*.*.** _

The following morning Erwin was up bright and early, geared up, and on his way to speak with Commander Dot Pixis of the Garrison about the news involving the titans spotted inside Wall Rose. Once he arrived at the Garrison Commander’s position, he fired his wire anchors into the Wall and started to zip up it. Erwin was nearly to the top, and despite the whooshing and whirring of his gear, he heard the sound of a woman’s voice and skin being struck by a strong force. He squeezed the triggers and came to a stop, feet slamming against the Wall in an attempt to keep him steady. A slight pain traveled up one of his legs for a moment. Erwin grit his teeth and cursed under his breath, listening.

He heard the woman clear her throat before she spoke. There was an obvious edge to her voice. “How did you drink that much. You know you’re not young anymore and _I_ do not want to be stuck taking care of you and changing your dirty diapers in the future.”

“Being bedridden wouldn’t sound that bad if it meant a fine young lady like you would be taking care of me, Anka,” Pixis replied with a smile as he picked up his bottle of alcohol and took a swig. Erwin snorted to himself. “Anyway, what’s the situation.”

“We sent our troops to scout after the titans were no longer appearing in the first and second line of defense, but we’ve still barely discovered any titans.”

Pixis popped open his pocket watch. “Hmp...if Hannes’s advance party safely swept the Wall, they should be returning soon. If they got back now, that means they met up with the team from Krolva halfway and doubled back. But in that case, they would have encountered few titans on their way, which would be impossible if a hole really was in the Wall.”

Erwin reconfigured his position with ease and traveled the rest of the way up the Wall, swooping in, retracting the wires, and landing on top with a thump. He reached into his coat and hung the trigger systems on the holder attached to his straps. “Commander Pixis!”

Anka glanced up in alarm when Erwin suddenly landed. Pixis simply let out a “hm?” before he turned around and stood up. “Ah, Erwin. I hear we’ve caught one of our rats.” Erwin approached him and Pixis clapped him on the shoulder.

“Yes, but we ended up one step short,” Erwin replied.

“Well, I’m sure our friends in Sina have something to think about. Now they have to decide if they’re ready to die together with their old-fashioned traditions.”

“I’m sure that seems to be the case. Look.” Erwin pointed to the ground below them where the Military Police were preparing to set out beyond the Walls, shouting orders to one another. “We’ve finally been able to drag them out to an area where we actually face titans.”

“I’ll bet those good for nothing nobles aren’t too happy about that,” Pixis said, smiling softly. “It’s great that the Military Police are willing to help. For sure I thought it would be like pulling teeth trying to get them out there. Well done, Erwin. Splendid like always, you are. Say, would you care for a drink?” He winked at Erwin and picked up his bottle of alcohol. Erwin held up his hand in mock disgust and shook his head.

“No thank you. I need to be able to think clearly.” A tiny smile was on Erwin’s face before it disappeared as quickly as it came.

“Are you sure?”

_“Sir,”_ Anka hissed.

Erwin shook his head. “We need to get a move on. The Military Police are going to be with Levi, Kirstein, and Pastor Nick.”

Anka nodded and urged Pixis along. Erwin hoped that everything was going okay in Armin’s end. _I’ll be there soon_ , he thought.

_**.*.*.*.** _

“The advance party is back! Someone tell Commander Pixis!” a brunet haired Garrison man shouted as he burst into the building, panting hard and dropping to his knees. He was in such a hurry that he didn’t notice that Commander Pixis was in there already. The man was struggling to catch his breath. Levi rolled his eyes and “tch”ed. “W-We didn’t find any holes or irregularities in the Wall.”

“I see,” Pixis replied and squatted down to the man’s level.

The man took a deep breath before he continued, “B-But the situation has turned into an emergency! While we were going back to the Trost District, we encountered Hange’s team! There were a number of 104th recruits that were unarmed. Among them...three of those soldiers were titans!” He pressed his hands into the ground. He looked like he was about to vomit. He was breathing so hard.

Erwin’s stomach dropped and he sucked in a deep breath through his nose and held it. _Titans. 104th. Armin. Armin was with Hange. They were on the same team as Armin. Did they...is he okay?_ A million different scenarios flooded Erwin’s mind. Scenarios that could have taken the petite blond whom he cared about away from him for good. He had to be alive. He just had to be alive. He _had_ to be. Armin was a smart young man. He could handle himself and the situation—any situation for that matter. He had his friends with him, too. They always looked out for one another. Besides, the Garrison soldier didn’t mention any casualties. Erwin was so distracted that he wouldn’t have heard if he mentioned any anyway.

“Huh? What are you saying?!” Jean piped up. “T-There were still three titans on the team?!” He stared down right at the man. “Who?!” he shouted, jostling Erwin from his thoughts.

“Jean, wait,” Erwin ordered, holding up his hand. He didn’t know how he found the words so quickly. He was sure his voice was going to waver if he spoke. He was lucky. His insides felt like they were quivering with worry. “What happened once they were discovered?”

_Armin made it out alive. Everyone survived. They took down the three titans_ , Erwin hoped. Was it selfish to think of Armin in a time like that? Was it cruel? The world already was cruel. Erwin experienced enough of the world’s cruelty in his life. He was allowed to indulge in his worries of Armin, the boy with the sun in his hair that held the key to his heart. Erwin noticed that Levi was staring at him, trying to read what he was thinking. His gaze met Levi’s and he slowly looked away, swallowing thickly.

“The Survey Corps engaged the Colossal and Armored Titan. By the time we joined the battle, it was over. They escaped with Eren Jaeger and Ymir, sir!”

“We need to get moving. Now,” Erwin ordered and strode to the opened door. Levi’s eyes followed him out, only to look away once the others started to follow him.

_**.*.*.*.** _

Armin was atop the Wall with Hange’s team, the rest of the 104th, and Hannes’s team, overlooking the land stretched out in front of him. He chewed on his lip. Eren was gone. His friends...were the enemy. He balled his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. Armin didn’t know how he was holding it together. He wished Erwin was there. He’d know what to do. He’d make things better. Erwin always made things better. He wanted to bury his face in his Commander’s shirt and hold him tight.

The sound of hooves was approaching. A blond Survey Corps soldier’s attention was taken to the sound. “Oh! Commander Erwin! And the MPs?!”

Armin gasped and looked in the direction where the soldier was looking and pointing. Sure enough, Erwin was leading. Erwin, sitting tall and proud on his white mare, not a worry on his face. Erwin’s eyes found Armin’s and it looked like all worries left his body. Armin was sure he saw Erwin sigh with relief upon seeing him. He continued to watch as Erwin got off his horse and walked over to Armin’s group. The ones who were caught by the Colossal Titan’s steam and blast when he fell were lying injured, singed from the heat, or both, on the Wall.

A hand reached out and grabbed Erwin’s boot. Moblit’s voice sounded, “Hange!”

“The map, Moblit. Get it out so Erwin can see,” she wheezed, having managed to roll onto her stomach and crawl over to where Erwin was planted. Erwin looked at the young woman and then to Armin. Moblit opened the map and laid it out in front of Hange, hands shaking and sweat on his forehead. “Erwin, here. It’s small, but there’s a titan forest here. You need to head that way. I’m sure that the Armored Titan won’t be able to hide his footsteps, but if so they’re probably headed that way.” Hange took a deep breath and swallowed thickly before she continued, “It’s quite the gamble. Despite being able to turn into titans, other titans are still a threat to them while they are outside the Walls. They’re probably not worse off like Eren is, but they must not have the same amount of energy after the hard fight they had. I think that Annie was even out for a while after she transformed. Let us also assume that they have little stamina left to cross such a big distance. Let’s assume that their goal is to get to the other side of Wall Maria. They would want to find somewhere to rest up where no titans can get to them, yes? Until night, when titans are immobile. We have until nightfall! We still have a chance! We absolutely have to make it on time if we want a chance to get to the forest before night!”

Some remained silent after Hange’s speech while others cheered. Erwin noticed Armin slipping away out of the corner of his eye, fists shaking, as he went to move away from the crowd. Erwin weaved his way around the men and women as he approached him. “Armin,” he said softly, hand reaching out of the cloak to brush against Armin’s.

“You were worried about me,” Armin stated. “Weren’t you?”

“Yes,” Erwin replied, swallowing the lump that was suddenly making its way into his throat. “Yes, I was. I couldn’t stop worrying. I was afraid that something happened to you. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Armin was wiping at his face. “He’s been gone for five hours, Erwin. Wh-What...what if he’s… What if they hurt him? What if we c-can’t find him?” Armin’s voice shook and he looked up at Erwin, tears staining his cheeks.

“Right now, we need to keep it together. That’s the important part. We need to focus on the objective. We’ll get Eren back before _they_ can do anything,” Erwin said, slowly enveloping Armin in a hug. It was a risky move considering the number of people around, but he didn’t care. Armin was there. Armin was alive and well.

“I-I thought they were my fr-friends,” he whimpered into Erwin’s chest. He hiccupped and held the fabric of Erwin’s uniform in fistfuls. Erwin just rubbed Armin’s back soothingly, pressing a quick, sneaky kiss to his golden blond hair.

“Everything is going to be okay, Armin. I promise that we will get Eren back safe and sound,” Erwin whispered. He hoped he was right. He’d do all he could to help bring Armin’s friend home. He continued to hold Armin’s warm body against his own and offer him comfort until everyone from all three branches started to check and recheck their blades and gas supply. Until he saw the way Mikasa looked at them and Erwin slowly let go of the soldier he loved, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for sticking around.
> 
> Tumblr: [commander-erwin-smith](http://commander-erwin-smith.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks later and I have a new chapter out! This is quiet a rare thing for me. Though I did have a few paragraphs of this prewritten like back in November when I was struggling along with chapter 4. I started this chapter back up last month, though wrote the bulk of it the past few days until I finished it today.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it!

A pounding heart.

It was the only thing that Armin felt and heard as he bolted down the hallway. Not even the stinging sensation from how hard his feet were slamming against the floor registered in his mind. Just the pounding of his heart. It felt like it leaped up into his throat. Everything happened so fast. So ungodly  _ fast _ . One minute everything was okay. The next everything was hell. When it happened Armin thought it was all in his head. He didn’t know how he continued to carry on during the mission, how he confronted Bertholdt so well without faltering nervously, and how he did his best to protect Jean from a titan while they were down against a tree using only a blade.

Jean was going to be okay after he fell from his horse and got knocked unconscious. He was going to be in the infirmary to monitor his concussion symptoms. That was what the nurses Jean told Armin before they made him leave so that he could have more rest. If Armin wouldn’t have protected him he no doubts would have been a goner.

Mikasa got a little banged up on the mission. She was going to be okay as well. Her ribs were broken from when the titan grabbed ahold of her. Thankfully it wasn’t anything too severe. If Jean wouldn’t have come to her aid when he did she would have been in worse shape. She was going to heal up and be her normal self after her recovery time was up.

Armin skidded to a halt when he saw Levi, Hange, and two nurses standing outside of a room. He knew he was in the right place. Tears burned in his eyes. “I-Is he okay? I need to see him. I need to see if he’s okay. I...I need to see him,” he mumbled, looking from face to face.

“There are surgeons working on him, young man. I’m afraid we cannot let you enter,” one of the nurses—a tall, older brunette—spoke. She had some blood smeared on her dress. “I need to go change and wash my hands. Don’t stay too long. There are other patients to tend to,” she said lightly to the blond nurse beside her. The blond simply nodded, chewing on her bottom lip nervously as the other nurse went down the hallway in the same direction Armin came from. The remaining nurse was about the same height as Armin. Looked to be about his age too.

“I-Is he…?” Armin trailed off, afraid to finish.

“He’s still unconscious,” Levi muttered and glanced toward the door. He could hear voices inside. Definitely not Erwin’s. Armin watched as Levi played with one of the buttons on the jacket he was wearing for a moment. He was still wearing Erwin’s jacket. Armin looked away, not wanting to think about that of all things at the moment.

“Please let me see him.” Armin’s voice shook. He stepped closer to the door and reached for the doorknob with a trembling hand. “I need to see him. Please. I need to.”

“Armin, stop,” Hange said and grabbed Armin’s wrist before he could try anything. She gave it a gentle reassuring squeeze before dropping it, letting out a sigh. “She said you cannot go inside. You need to calm down and wait until it’s all clear for him to have visitors.”

“I want to see him now.” The tears that Armin was holding back started to slowly roll down his cheeks. “I  _ have _ to see him.”

“You need to step back,” Hange said, slipping an arm around Armin’s waist as she tried to urge him away from the door. Armin sobbed and quickly turned away from her and out of her hold, dashing toward the door. “Levi!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Levi cursed and roughly grabbed Armin around the waist. Armin shouted and thrashed in his arms. “Damn, brat.”

“No! Please! Erwin!” Armin sobbed, face turning red. Levi’s grip tightened on him. He couldn’t get away. He couldn’t see Erwin. He couldn’t see what they were doing to him. Armin shouted. The outbursts were certainly out of character for someone like him. Armin would never throw a fit like that. It was never in his nature. He’d cry just like any other human. Sometimes more often than others. It never went full scale like what was happening. Fear was taking control of him. Fear that he was going to lose the one person he would go to the ends of the Earth for. The one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

“Get ahold of yourself, damn it!” Levi grumbled. Acting rash certainly wasn’t going to make Erwin any better. If Armin continued to yell and cause a commotion, he was going to get kicked out or cause a distraction to the people tending to Erwin. A distraction wouldn’t spell good news for Erwin.

Armin hiccuped and sunk to the floor in defeat, sniffling, sobbing and covering his face with his hands. Levi let go of him and stepped back, mumbling something about the whole infirmary hearing the yelling coming from the floor they were on. The nurse that remained with them slowly stepped closer to Armin and kneeled down beside him, placing a hand on his leg. “H-Hey...stand up and come with me,” she soothed. Her voice was soft and peaceful—angelic. It flowed like a stream running along the rocks on a calm, clear day. “I’ll take you somewhere so you can relax and calm down. How does that sound?”

Armin hesitantly moved his hands away from his face. They shook as he did. His whole body was quivering and his breathing was ragged. He nodded slowly and forced himself into a standing position. His body quivered more. The nurse linked her arm with his and guided him down the hallway to try and keep him upright, glancing back at Levi and Hange for a brief second.

The pair were exchanging glances with one another. They looked surprised. She assumed it was because of Armin’s behavior. It was obvious enough. On the other hand, the way Armin acted about the man, Erwin, was something she’d seen many times before. Loved ones acted like that when their son, daughter, brother, sister, parent, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife were in critical condition or dying. Armin and Erwin looked nothing alike to be related, though not all relatives were perfect copies of one another. It was still out of the question. Lovers, though, made sense. Armin loved the man. It was the only possibility the nurse could come up with.

She led Armin to an empty room that was on the floor above Erwin’s. “You may sit on the bed if you like,” she said as she closed the door and locked it for privacy. Armin gave a faint nod and plopped down at the edge. He was still breathing shakily, wrapping his arms around himself. The nurse felt bad for him. She went over by Armin and sat beside him. “My name is Sabine.”

“Armin, but I’m sure you know that already,” he replied softly, eyeing the floor. He sniffled, his nose making a rattling sound. Sabine reached into the little pocket on her left breast and unfolded a handkerchief and handed it to him.

“Yes.” Sabine watched as Armin blew his nose. She waited until he was finished before she asked, “You love him, don’t you?” Her voice was quiet. Quiet as if the walls or someone outside the room could hear her. Armin didn’t understand why, but his heart jumped at the question and brought another batch of fresh tears to his eyes.

“I do. I...I  _ love _ him.”

_ Love. _ It was such a foreign word to Armin now. Of course he used to tell his parents and grandfather that he loved them, and when he was younger his close friends, but that was a different kind of love. When it came to Erwin it was a whole new kind of love that he never felt before. It was a kind he never thought he would experience in his life and certainly one he never thought he’d admit out loud to someone. Armin admitted to Sabine, a near complete stranger, that he  _ loved _ Erwin.

“I could tell. I have never seen a situation like that were someone pleaded the way you did and didn’t end up being the other person’s family member. I could tell you two more than likely weren’t relatives.”

“Him and I, we’re together,” Armin said. His cheeks were damp again. “I never got to tell him that I loved him. If I don’t get the chance to...if he doesn’t make it…”

Sabine put her hand over Armin’s and squeezed it. “He’ll pull through. He’s Commander Erwin Smith. 13th Commander of the Survey Corps. Age thirty-four years old. Very intelligent. Survived having his arm severed at the shoulder by a titan. Continued to battle on despite all the blood he was losing until he passed out on Wall Rose and had to be brought here.”

Armin’s mind flashed to when Erwin was going limp. He burned up all the adrenaline that kept him going on the rescue mission. Armin remembered the shouts of concern from the men who caught Erwin as he fell. Armin remembered the scream that burned at the back of his throat but couldn’t find the voice to let it out. The only thing he was able to do was to watch in horror as Erwin was taken away by the soldiers. Eren was the one who screamed as if in his place.

“I’m scared, Sabine,” Armin said. He looked at her. It was evident. The fear was there; in his eyes, on his face, in his bones. “I love him  _ so _ much. I can’t lose him.” His voice cracked.

“You’re not going to lose him. I’ll take great care of him. I promise,” Sabine whispered, squeezing Armin’s hand again, trying to reassure him and keep him going. She didn’t want him to give up. Armin loved him. “There are plenty of other nurses and doctors to help if I think Erwin needs help.”

“Th-The other nurse that was with you...was that...was that Erwin’s blood on her?” Armin felt sick.

“I’m afraid so. While Anja and I and the two men that brought him here were trying to transfer him into the bed, the tourniquet around what was left of his right arm fell off. Blood got everywhere including on Anja.”

_ “Oh God,” _ Armin mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut and clamping a hand over his mouth. He gagged, vomit escaping between his fingers. He lurched forward and parted his legs as to not get it all over his uniform or the bed. Sabine jumped up in alarm, her eyes frantically scurrying around for a basin. Armin held his soiled hand out, vomiting bile onto the floor. Sabine dashed to the wardrobe that was in the corner of the room and threw open the door. Thankfully there was a basin, but the damage was already done. All she could do was try to minimize the mess as she hurried back to Armin’s side with it, holding it under him to collect the rest of his stomach's contents until he was dry heaving.

“Easy,” she crooned and rubbed his back. He was heaving and trying to catch his breath. Nothing was coming out of him anymore. “Lay down and rest. I’ll clean up this mess and get you a glass of water. You can stay here for a little while until it’s okay to see Erwin.”

Armin nodded. He was shaking worse than he was earlier. He looked pale and his cheeks were damp. He picked up Sabine’s handkerchief and wiped his mouth, nose, and hand before scooting back onto the bed and lying on the pillow, putting an arm over his face. Sabine placed the basin on the floor by the vomit pile and went back to the wardrobe, grabbing a sponge, a bucket, and cleaning solution. She went to the small sink and filled the bucket with water and poured in some of the cleaning solution. Then she went to the bed and kneeled down, dipping the sponge into the bucket and starting to scrub.

The whole time, Armin kept his face hidden. Vomiting on the floor certainly embarrassed him. He felt bad that Sabine had to clean it up. He definitely had no strength to do it. After a few moments, he heard her feet shuffling around. He lifted his arm and peeked at her. She was putting something away in the wardrobe. He couldn’t tell what.

“Armin, I’m going to go take care of the cleaning water and the sponge, wash my hands, and bring you water,” Sabine told him. Armin just nodded. His throat burned. Sabine picked up the dirty handkerchief as well. Armin closed his eyes as he heard the door unlock and her step out. He wished he was in a nightmare and due to wake up soon.

_**.*.*.*.** _

Sabine was delayed for a little while. Armin drifted off to sleep, however. When he woke up, she was sitting on the edge of his bed, swinging her tan legs back and forth. A glass of water was sitting on the little stand to his left. He rubbed his eyes and shifted around on the bed. Sabine startled and looked at him. “Oh, you’re awake now. I didn’t want to disturb you. I thought you’d need some rest.”

“Thank you,” Armin replied. His voice was scratchy. He sat up and reached over for the glass of water and took a few sips.

“Erwin’s all clear for visitors. I’m sure you must want to see him now.” Sabine smiled sheepishly.

“Please. Take me to him,” Armin said. He was desperate to see Erwin. She nodded and motioned for him to follow. He quickly got out of bed and followed her, staggering. Armin sucked in a breath and steadied himself. The last thing he needed to do was hurt himself.

Sabine led Armin back down the stairwell and onto Erwin’s floor. The hallway was virtually clear, aside from a nurse or two walking to where they needed to be. Sabine stopped at the door to Erwin’s room. “Here we are. I’ll let you have some privacy with him. It was nice meeting you, Armin,” she said, bowing her head.

“Thank you. It was nice meeting you too. I’m sorry about throwing up on the floor and how you had to see the way I behaved earlier,” Armin apologized. He placed his hand on the doorknob, the nerves settling in.

Sabine shook her head and smiled. “Don’t worry about it.” The smile soon faded into a more serious look. “I wish you good luck.”

Armin nodded and watched as she left. He turned to the door and gripped the knob tighter. He slowly turned it and stepped into the room, holding his breath. There Erwin lied. He was covered by a thin white sheet. As he closed the door quietly and stepped over to the bed, he noticed how pale Erwin was. His skin was almost the same color as the sheet. Armin looked to Erwin’s right and saw the bandages that were wrapped numerous times around his wound.  _ It must have been sewn shut _ , he thought. Erwin’s gear and what was able to be saved from his uniform were under the window. There was a chair next to the bed and Armin sat down in it. The breath he was holding was almost forgotten. His lungs gave him the reminder that he needed air and it all came out in a choked gasp.

“Erwin,” he whispered, grabbing his left hand and holding it. It was cold and rough. They left his arm out from under the sheet. Armin studied his pale face. His hair was messy, though not as bad as it was when they returned from the mission. His bangs still hung in his face, making him look years younger. Even like that, Erwin was still very handsome. Nothing could take that away from him. Armin leaned closer to him. He picked up the faint scent of some kind of soap. It smelled like a garden. Armin carefully pressed his lips to Erwin’s cheek. A lump formed in his throat.

“Please wake up, Erwin. I...I need you here with me.” Armin was going to cry again. There was no use trying to deny it. He  _ needed _ him to be okay. Armin brought his hand up to his lips and gave each of his knuckles shaky kisses. “I need you awake and okay so I can tell you something. I need to tell you exactly how I feel.”

He tensed and cried softly to himself. It was no use.

Erwin didn’t hear him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me feedback! Even if it's just saying what you enjoyed. I love receiving feedback.
> 
> Tumblr: [commander-erwin-smith](http://commander-erwin-smith.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't updated since March. Something bad happened that has left me very unhappy. On the 14th of April, my Tumblr was hacked and deleted/mysteriously deleted. I tried contacting staff about it right away, which was a terrible choice. I should have quickly taken my url back while I had the chance, but I let that opportunity slip away. By the time staff got back to me someone took my url almost as if they were waiting. Staff wasn't able to do anything about my account getting deleted. :( So now I've been waiting forever about the url business since there are people who don't like me on Tumblr who are trying to impersonate me now no doubt...
> 
> My new Tumblr is currently commander-erwin-smith
> 
> If staff can somehow give me my url back from whoever took it, I will have to go through and re-edit everywhere where I had to change it to my new url...
> 
> Anyway, enough rambling about that..
> 
> I added a rough estimate to how long this story may be. I am hoping for 25 chapters. I don't know if I will reach that mark or go past it, but I wanted to try and estimate. I'd like to insert more Winmin interaction since several of the upcoming chapters will be filler and I won't need the manga as a resource until I get to a certain point. Technically this chapter and the next few will be taking place before season 2 came to an end. If you have any questions feel free to ask on here or send me an anon message on Tumblr if you're not comfortable asking publically here.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the new chapter. Let me know if there are any mistakes.

The following day Armin was back at the infirmary. Going there made his nerves go hog wild, but he wouldn’t stay away. He  _ couldn’t _ stay away. Especially not while Erwin was seriously injured. No. Leaving him while he was injured caused Armin enough worry. Being near him still allowed him to see him. It didn’t help with his fears, though. His fears of Erwin not getting any better and things taking a turn for the worse. He didn’t know how Erwin was doing yet. It was a new day, but a lot could change within a few minutes let alone a day.

However, Armin was visiting with Mikasa beforehand after the nasty attack from one of the titans. Her ribs were still sore and bandaged, but the pain wasn’t as bad as it was yesterday. Eren and Jean were visiting with her. Connie was off sulking back at the headquarters. Sasha was no doubt with him trying to get him to talk. He wasn’t acting like his normal self later that night after they came back from the recovery mission; very quiet and depressed looking, Armin noticed. With everything going on he didn’t have a chance to reach out to him yet.

Mikasa, Jean, and Eren were talking about Jean’s head. Armin was trying to listen, but his mind was bouncing back and forth between their conversation and Erwin. It was four years ago since Armin lost someone close to him—his grandfather. He didn’t want to go through it again. He went through enough scares with his friends. He didn’t think his heart could take losing someone else. Especially when Erwin meant so much to him. Especially when he was  _ in love _ with him.

“Hey, Armin…” He looked up from the floor at the sound of Mikasa’s soft voice. She looked concerned. As did Eren and Jean. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just tired and thinking too much,” Armin said back, rubbing an eye. When he rubbed his eye he felt a tiny tear leak out. He was holding them back all morning. He turned his head away from the others so they wouldn’t get more concerned. The truth was he was tired and scared, but tired nonetheless. He kept waking up in the middle of the night by nightmares. Each time he was notified that Erwin died. Armin decided to sleep in Erwin’s room after he was woken up too many times. It didn’t remedy the problem, but Erwin’s scent on the sheets and pillows was comforting. Though, it only made him long for him more. When he saw Sabine that morning when he was making his way up to Mikasa’s floor she told him Erwin wasn’t awake, that he didn’t wake up at all as a matter of fact according to those who checked up on him throughout the night. With a lump in his throat, he told her that he would be back to see him a little later.

“I had nightmares last night and I had trouble sleeping. I guess seeing the Commander get attacked like that didn’t register until we made it back onto the Wall,” Armin admitted, turning back to his friends and shrugging. He sniffled and folded his arms over his chest, holding himself in a loose embrace. “The main nurse that’s taking care of him said he’s not awake yet. He’s been unconscious since yesterday. How’s your head, Jean?”

“A better improvement than what it felt like yesterday that’s for sure,” Jean said and rubbed it lightly. “They still want me to take it easy so I don’t aggravate it. They gave me some medicine to take to help. If the pain comes back stronger I have to come back here, though, which I hope doesn’t happen. They said it was just a mild concussion anyway.”

“I think you’ll be okay,” Armin assured him. Things could have ended up much worse if Armin wasn’t there. The titan that knocked Jean from his horse would have eaten him for sure. Armin was barely able to fend it off until it and many other titans suddenly attacked the one pursuing Mikasa and Eren. If Eren hadn’t controlled the titans...

“Have you spoke to Squad Leader Hange yet?” Jean asked Eren. Eren sighed and shook his head.

“No...I haven’t.” Eren rubbed his forehead and looked at his hands. He clenched and unclenched them. “I know I should, but I don’t even know how I did  _ that _ for sure. I punched that titan from Shiganshina and...and yelled and suddenly titans were running over to attack it. Then when I was yelling at Reiner and Bertholdt it happened too. They were getting attacked.”

“You should tell her. This is something important,” Jean said, brows furrowed slightly. “It would be a great benefit to humanity.”

“I know.”

Armin looked down again. His mind was too foggy to think critically about what happened with Eren. Bizzare it was, though. It was almost like what Annie did, though when she was in her titan form. Eren was humanity’s hope and what he did was just going to add more responsibility onto his shoulders. More pressure to add to him. How much more was his friend able to handle before he crumbled under doubt? Armin swallowed thickly. He needed fresh air.

Armin slowly raised from the chair. He rubbed his eye again. “I’ll see you guys.”

The friends said their goodbyes as Armin left.

“Armin looked rough,” Eren mumbled, leaning against the headboard.

“He was right there when the Commander got attacked,” Jean replied. “That was pretty rough to watch myself.”

“Armin was never much for the brutality of that nature. Even when he and I used to get beat up as kids he’d be the most affected by it. He’d shiver and cry even when Mikasa and I would try to comfort him. He’s a good person, though. I hope he feels better.”

“He and the Commander seem close, too. Almost as close as the Captain is with him,” Mikasa piped up. “That certainly has something to do with it I’m sure. Since we’ve joined the Corps he’s been working with the Commander just about every day.” There was the hug on the Wall, too, but she left that out. Was that important to mention? If they’re close that was a solvable explanation. They certainly weren’t a couple were they? Would they risk hugging like that when someone other than her could have seen?

Jean and Eren exchanged glances then shrugged. They all just hoped that Armin was going to be okay soon if not the next day. Whatever was truly bothering him they hoped to help him with if he allowed it. If he wanted to talk about it. After all, that was what friends did. They looked out for one another.

 

.*.*.*.

 

When Armin went back to Erwin’s room Sabine and the other nurse from yesterday were in there. Anja, Armin thought, was what Sabine told him. They had Erwin on his left side. His hair was damp. Anja was propping him up. Sabine gave an uneasy smile toward Armin when he walked in. A bowl of water was sitting on the nightstand. Sabine had a sponge and bar of soap in her hands. Armin sat on the chair near Erwin and observed.

“Are you ready to continue down?” Anja asked. Sabine nodded, lathering up the sponge with soap. Anja then slowly pulled the tie on Erwin’s gown and pushed it off, being extra careful of his right shoulder. Sabine put the soap aside and grabbed the gown. She pulled it down to his stomach. The bandages around the stump of his arm had dried blood on them. “We’re going to need to replace those, Sabine.”

Sabine nodded and walked around to Erwin’s right side over by Anja. She balanced the soapy sponge on Erwin’s side and started to carefully unwind the soiled bandages that were wrapped around his stump. Armin loosely gripped the underside of the chair while he watched. When the bandages were off, Armin looked away and closed his eyes, a shaky breath escaping his lips. He only saw half a second’s worth of what was left of Erwin’s right arm, but it looked like a mess. The skin looked raw in places almost like a series of painful blisters. Blood was dried where the skin was stitched up, some having seeped out between little gaps in the stitching.

Sabine picked up the sponge and gently washed the area. She was extra careful. “Armin, would you bring the water over here? The soap too,” she asked, throwing her gaze over her shoulder at him for a brief moment. Armin nodded slowly and got up. He went to the nightstand and picked up the bowl and the soap. The water in the bowl was a relaxing temperature against Armin’s hands. He took them around to Sabine and she gave him a soft  _ thank you _ . After she was finished with his arm she moved onto his back. Then she rinsed her sponge off and rinsed his back and arm.

Next Sabine pushed the gown down a little further until it was passed his butt. She took the soap from Armin and lathered the sponge back up. Armin’s face warmed as she washed his slightly plump, pale backside. Armin never had a good chance to see what it looked like. The moon didn’t do a whole lot of justice during their special moment they shared in the forest nearly two days ago.

“Almost finished and then you’re free to go,” Sabine said to Anja. She pulled the gown down the remainder of the way and placed it on the floor. His long toned legs were cleaned after. Sabine took the towel that was hanging over Anja’s shoulder and dried him off. Once she was finished Anja carefully got Erwin supine.

“That’s done. You did his exercises already, yes?” Anja asked. Sabine nodded. “Then I will be on my way. Have a nice day.” Her eyes went from Sabine and then to Armin. She gave him a sympathetic smile and patted one of his hands as she walked past him and headed out the door.

“I’m almost finished, Armin, then you can have some alone time with your Commander.” Armin nodded and watched as she cleaned the rest of his body. When she got down to his groin, she finally blushed. Armin did as well. “He certainly is—uh—well endowed, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. When I...when I saw it for the first time it was shocking. I’ve always sort of expected it, though,” Armin admitted, looking away in embarrassment. He mentally apologized to Erwin for saying something like that during the position they were in.

Once she was finished with the unconscious man she took the bowl from Armin. “The doctors...don’t know when he’s going to wake up.” She looked down into the water. It was a very slight rusty color from the dried blood. “They don’t know how he’s going to be when he wakes either.”

_ When. _ That was more confident than saying  _ if _ wasn’t it? Erwin  _ had _ to wake up. Armin couldn’t lose him. He just nodded, eyes welling up. He let the tears fall after he tried to hold them back nearly all day. They flowed down his cheeks in neat paths. His shoulders quivered. He didn’t even register when Sabine hugged her to him. She ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry.” Her voice shook. He heard her soft sniffle.

Armin broke away after a few minutes and leaned over by Erwin. He placed both hands on his cheeks and caressed them softly. He sniffled. The tears were still falling, but they didn’t fall on Erwin. No. They dripped down Armin’s face and down his neck, hiding away inside his white shirt. It was almost as if the tears didn’t want to temporarily scar Erwin’s face. He looked almost angelic in his deep slumber. Like a sleeping prince. Armin slowly pressed his lips to Erwin’s, wishing that the kiss was enough to wake him up.

It wasn’t enough for his sleeping prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr: [commander-erwin-smith](http://commander-erwin-smith.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't update at all last month. :/ I've had barely any time to write recently and now ship weeks and character weeks are coming and I also wanted to participate in those too. I posted two Winmin works for Armin Tribute week a couple weeks ago if any of you want to read those. There are manga spoilers, though, if you're not caught up.
> 
> Also: THANK YOU for 101 kudos! I'm so very grateful for reaching that high for a ship that is sort of rare. I never thought I'd get that many kudos. Thank you all so much.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the new chapter! Sorry for any mistakes I didn't catch!

It was a week since the terrible tragedy took place. Erwin hadn’t spoken or moved an inch. The only signs Armin had that let him know Erwin was still alive was the slow, barely noticeable rise and fall of his chest and the fact that he had facial hair coming in the last couple days. It was a thin amount, but it stretched along his jaw lines all the way to his sideburns. There was a small strip that went right down the middle of his chin and connected with the rest. Along with a long thin mustache that also connected with the beard. Armin thought it looked handsome on Erwin even if it did make him look older. When asked about the facial hair by Sabine, Armin asked to leave it on. He had never seen Erwin with facial hair before. Erwin kept his appearance neat, but this time was different. Erwin wasn’t awake to take care of it so Armin wanted to wait with the hope that he would wake up and decide for himself.

A couch was brought into Erwin’s infirmary room the third day in, courtesy of Sabine’s input. From that night on Armin spent the night with Erwin. It didn’t do a great deal to help with his nightmares, but they weren’t nearly as bad as they were when he tried sleeping in Erwin’s bed at the headquarters. At least Armin got to know Erwin was beside him despite not being awake.

Erwin had some visitors. Commander Nile Dok of the Military Police. Armin recognized him from Eren’s trial. Commander Dot Pixis. He enlisted Eren to help with the reclamation effort in Trost. Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackly, who was another figure in Eren’s trial—the judge. Levi and Hange stopped by as well. Levi came the most. Armin always gave the others some space with Erwin. He’d wander the halls or sit outside the room. He was certain the others may have wondered why he was always by Erwin’s side. Especially Hange and Levi, but they never asked about Armin’s closeness with Erwin, though they knew he was Erwin’s assistant. Armin was surer now that the two knew Armin and Erwin were much more than that. Armin’s outburst on the day Erwin was brought in explained otherwise. If that didn’t give a hint…

Armin let out a deep breath and opened his eyes. His heart raced. He was confused for a moment until he realized where he was. He fell asleep on the chair while he was reading one of Erwin’s books to him. It was around mid-afternoon judging by the sun’s position at the closed curtains. Some managed to peek through to keep the room nice and sunny. The room always looked nice at that time of the day when the sun was shining. Armin winced as he rolled his shoulders. He closed the book— _Children’s Fables and Tales_ —and placed it on the nightstand. Armin was nearly finished with the book. Only a small section remained. He started reading it to Erwin a few days ago. He wondered if Erwin found it entertaining if he was able to be aware in his slumber that Armin was reading to him. Armin sighed. “I miss you, Erwin.” He slipped his hand into Erwin’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I don’t want to give up on you. I know you’re still here. Please wake up when you’re ready, okay? I _really_ miss you.” Armin stood and walked closer to the bed. He pressed his lips to Erwin’s forehead, letting them linger. “I’ll be back. I need some fresh air. I don’t know if you’d appreciate having the window open, though. I’ll be back,” he said again and dropped his hand. Armin crept quietly out the door, tossing his gaze over his shoulder at Erwin one last time before the door closed.

~*~*~*~

Armin was propped up against an oak tree behind the infirmary building. He had dozed off again from the lack of sleep. Along with the usual nightmares about Erwin when he spent the nights in his infirmary, Armin woke up a few times on his own in between to peer over at Erwin to make sure he was still breathing. The thought of waking up to him not breathing always scared him far worse than the nightmares. He always tried to remind himself that Erwin was in good hands. That the nurses wouldn’t let anything happen to him. They checked on him constantly. Whether it was Sabine or a different nurse checking in late at night or very early in the morning.

He rubbed his eyes and yawned. He stretched. His body felt stiff again and sleeping against the tree didn’t help at all. Armin heard a noise and straightened. The door to the back entrance slammed shut and he heard apologies as someone weaved their way around a few nurses that were standing outside. Armin squinted and leaned forward, brushing a hand across his eyes to brush anymore sleep away.

“Armin! Armin! Come quickly!” It was Sabine. Her golden blond hair was flowing wildly behind her. He saw a red ribbon hanging from her hand.

Armin stood and dusted himself off. “What is it?” Her blue eyes were wide as she grabbed Armin’s wrist and immediately tugged him along.

“It’s Erwin,” she breathed out as they ran to the door. Armin felt as if he was punched straight in the gut. His world instantly felt like it was beginning to crumble.

“Is he—oh God…”

“No. No, he’s not—Armin, he’s _awake_.”

Armin couldn’t breathe. _He was awake!_ After a week of worrying and wondering if Erwin was ever going to wake up, he did exactly that. His heart skipped a few beats. Erwin was alive. He was awake. Armin’s eyes filled with tears.

“He’ll still need care and will be day-to-day until he can return back to the Survey Corps headquarters,” Sabine explained as they raced down the hallway, then up staircases, and finally made it to Erwin’s room. Sabine let go of Armin’s wrist. “Go see.”

Armin nodded. His hands shook much like they did the first day when he wanted to see Erwin. When the doctor and nurses were in there trying to operate on him. He turned the knob and stepped inside.

“It hurts. It _hurts_ ,” a voice rasped.

“Erwin,” Armin mumbled. Time seemed to stand still. Armin felt like all the air was taken from his lungs. His cheeks were damp. He held onto every ounce of self-control to keep from running over to him and hugging him too tightly. There was the doctor leaning over and speaking softly to Erwin, blocking out the view of his handsome face. It wasn’t wise to interfere until the doctor went away.

“It was the same thing he was saying when I came in here,” Sabine said lightly.

“He’s hurting…”

“The doctor will have us administer different medicines to help with the pain and prevent him from getting an infection.” Sabine placed her hand on Armin’s back. “We’ll take great care of him even now, Armin. We’ll make sure he has everything he needs.”

 _“Thank you,”_ Armin whispered. His lungs felt like two bricks in his chest. He watched as the doctor stepped back and bid Erwin farewell. The doctor nodded to Sabine as he departed.

“Go to him,” she whispered. She didn’t have to tell him twice and he nodded. He sucked in a breath. His legs didn’t feel like his own. They felt light as the air, but it didn’t matter because he was leaning over the man he loved, hands on his rough cheeks.

“Erwin,” Armin said softly, voice breaking under a lump that was forming in his throat. Erwin looked exhausted. His lips were dry and cracked. His pair of icy blue eyes were half-lidded and struggling to stay just that. As expected he looked just as he felt.

“Hurts...Armin,” Erwin rasped. He closed his eyes, lips quivering. His breathing sounded like he was going to cry. The only arm he had left shook as he struggled to raise it, but managed to grab Armin’s shirt between loose fingers.

“I know, Erwin. I know,” Armin soothed. He stroked Erwin’s cheeks all while holding back the sobs and tears that were practically demanding to be released. “They’re going to take good care of you and help with the pain.”

“Armin…”

“I’m here, Erwin.” The two would never get tired of hearing the other speak their name. Armin put his forehead against Erwin’s and hiccuped. “I’m here.”

Erwin brushed his lips against Armin’s. Armin’s lips were exactly how he remembered they were. Armin kissed back, relief flooding his chest. Erwin was back, though he never left. With that, a sob left Armin and he broke the kiss.

“I love you, Erwin.” Armin moved to Erwin’s neck, pressing his dampened cheeks against the creamy, warm skin as sobs racked his body. He carefully slipped into the bed and laid as close as he could against Erwin’s left side.

“I love you, too.” Words Armin was afraid he’d never hear. Armin _loved_ Erwin and Erwin _loved_ him back.

Armin was with him. He wasn’t the first sight Erwin saw, but he was _there_ and he _loved_ him. He was at his side and they were together. They didn’t realize that they were alone in the room. All alone to share one another's much-deserved company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave feedback!
> 
> Tumblr: [commander-erwin-smith](http://commander-erwin-smith.tumblr.com/)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 8 finally. I think I'm going to try my best to update this once a month. That's going to be my goal.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys this!

Warmth filled Armin’s hand as his senses became more aware. Before his eyes fluttered open his ears reminded him where he was. Erwin’s breathing was much more lively now that he wasn’t in some near eternal slumber. Armin blinked a few times before he swiped his free hand across his face to brush away leftover nap. He dozed off yet again.  _ Children’s Fables and Tales _ was in his lap. The last page was open and staring up at Armin. He rolled his shoulders as he slowly picked his head up as to not irritate his slight stiff neck.

Erwin had his head turned toward Armin. He was smiling lightly. “Did you have a nice nap, sleepy head?” he asked. His voice wasn’t weak and shaky as it was yesterday. Armin was surprised with the big improvement when they woke up earlier. It was a bit raspy from not enough water, though, which of course worried Armin because of dehydration risks. Erwin was asleep for a week after all.

“Yeah. Sorry about that. It’s been rough lately with what went on with you,” Armin said. He bit his lower lip. “It was hard to see you like that. The nightmares were hard to deal with, too.”

“I...understand. I’m sorry.” Erwin’s smile faded. “I didn’t mean to worry everyone.”

“None of this was your fault, Erwin.” Armin gripped his hand gently, brows sadly furrowed. It pained him to see Erwin blaming himself for losing an arm. It always pained him whenever Erwin blamed himself for things that happened—especially when citizens who weren’t too fond of the Survey Corps tried to paint Erwin as a monster.

Erwin turned his head and pushed farther into the pillow. He shifted on the bed to get more comfortable, wincing when his stump brushed against his pillow. “Damn it,” he cursed under his breath. Armin let go of his hand and closed the book, placing it on the nightstand.

“Let’s get you some water,” Armin said, reluctant for a change in subject. He stood and pressed as close to the bed as he could, slipping his arms around Erwin. Erwin’s left arm shook as he tried to sit up without using too much of Armin’s help. He hated being so weak and helpless around Armin. He didn’t want to be so dependent…

“Easy. I’ve got you,” Armin said and smiled. Erwin was quite heavy still, but Armin managed. He didn’t want Erwin to strain himself and be in far worse pain than what he was. “There we go.”

Erwin leaned against Armin while he reached behind him and propped up the pillows for Erwin to lean back against so he was as comfortable as he could be. “Thank you,” he replied.

Armin kissed his cheek and held the glass up to his lips so he could drink what he wanted. “Don’t drink it too fast yet,” he warned. He didn’t want Erwin to choke. As Erwin drank he wondered if he was able to eat breakfast that morning while he was gone. Dinner wasn’t very easy for him the other night. Erwin’s stomach didn’t feel too well after he ate some broth. The medication and no food for a week must’ve made his stomach sensitive. Armin practically sighed internally. It was so hard to see Erwin struggling so much. He could hardly sit up on his own and relied on the pillows to stay upright. His body was nowhere near as strong as it was before the incident. It was going to be so long before he got better.  _ I’m so impatient _ , Armin thought. That time he sighed.

“Are you okay?” Erwin asked after he swallowed, opening his eyes. He dismissed the glass with a wave of his hand. Armin nodded and sat on the edge, taking Erwin’s hand after he put the glass back.

“Just thinking about  _ this _ . I wish that there was something I could have done to protect you. I was  _ there _ .” Armin’s voice shook on his last statement.

“It happened so fast, Armin. There wasn’t anything that either one of us or my soldiers could have done to save me. I was one of the lucky ones.” Erwin remembered the unbearable pain when the jaws closed around his arm. He couldn’t imagine anything worse than that. His left hand twitched in Armin’s. Remembering that his right arm wasn’t there was going to take time getting used to. Last night he split open a small part of the stitches when he tried to use both arms to sit up. The sharp pain and the cry that startled Armin and nearly caused him to piss his pants was a quick reminder of just what kind of predicament he was in.

“I don’t know how I held myself together,” Armin admitted. “When I heard your shout, someone calling your name, and your orders to keep moving for Eren, I somehow kept going. I looked back at you, but kept my head up and didn’t stop. I don’t know how I did it.”

“Adrenaline perhaps. That’s what kept me fighting until I got to Wall Rose.” Erwin brushed his thumb against Armin’s smooth, warm skin in slow circles. God, how he loved that soft skin of his, his warmth, everything. Armin was  _ everything _ .

“Eren screamed when you went unconscious.” Armin leaned back against the headboard. “Seeing you collapsing scared me.”

“I’m sure it did. I’m a bit surprised that Eren reacted that way. I don’t know why. All I remembered was some of the men who were standing around me reacting once my eyes felt too heavy to keep open and I could no longer stand.”

“It was scary. I was scared the entire time you were asleep.”

“A whole week,” Erwin mumbled. Armin uttered a soft “yeah.” “Do you know many lives were lost?”

“Jean said most of the MPs that were on the mission died. He also said that he counted around forty people on the Wall out of the total one hundred that were on the mission. Only half were able to stand.”

Erwin nodded. “Men around me were being devoured before my very eyes. They were shouting to me, but I couldn’t do anything to stop them.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re one person. You were oozing blood. You could have gotten hurt if you tried to do anything,” Armin reassured him. “They would have understood that I’m sure.”

“I fell from my horse then. That girl—Ymir—saved me from a titan that was nearly upon me. The fall wasn’t very comfortable, but I guess it is much better than losing another limb.”

Armin nodded and let out a breath. “Of course.” He nibbled on his bottom lip. “Mikasa’s ribs got a bit screwed up when a titan grabbed her. Luckily Jean got to her in time. Jean and I almost were titan bait later on after that. When Reiner was throwing those titans at us one hit near Jean. It spooked his horse and he fell and hit his head. He and I were backed up right against a tree. A smaller titan was approaching. All I had was my blades to try defending us. Jean was tucked under my one arm. I couldn’t do much. Eren and Mikasa had fallen, too. We weren’t too far away from them. Something strange happened then.”

Erwin’s brow rose. Armin licked his lips and continued. “This weird smiling titan was approaching them and I heard Eren scream and I took one look at them and saw he punched the titan on the hand. Then all of a sudden all the titans in the area were starting to run toward the other and attacked it. The titan was done for. The one that was after Jean and I even left.”

“Hange is certainly going to have loads of fun trying to research why that happened. She’ll be wanting to perform tests on him.”

“Yeah… I hope it won’t be too strenuous on Eren,” Armin said. Erwin nodded. He moved his legs.

“Put your legs up, Armin,” Erwin said. Armin complied, slipping off his shoes so he wouldn’t get the sheets dirty. He lightly pressed against Erwin. “Do you know who all came to visit me when I was in the coma?”

“When I was around the Commander-in-Chief, the Commander of the Garrison, the Commander of the Military Police, Hange, and Levi stopped. I’m sure other members of the Corps came by when I wasn’t here. Levi was here a lot.”

“What about Mike? Where is he?”

Armin remembered overhearing Mike’s fate one morning back at the headquarters while he was trying to force some breakfast down his throat. Hange and Levi were discussing it with Hange’s squad. Armin heard how his whole squad died defending the other 104th members at Castle Utgard. He heard how Mike never returned. His body was never found.

Everyone knew who Mike was. He was humanity’s strongest before Levi showed up. His nose was well known, too, with how powerful it was at sniffing out titans amongst other things.

“He went missing. He never came back. When soldiers went out to retrieve the bodies of the fallen they didn’t find his,” Armin answered. He felt Erwin’s hand slacken and heard his breath catch.

“That’s impossible,” came a voice that sounded so foreign to Armin. Armin looked at him. He saw tears—real tears as they welled in Erwin’s eyes. Armin never saw Erwin cry. He never saw Erwin so vulnerable before. Erwin kept his emotions at bay for the most part when he was around others. He’d smile or laugh on occasion; never get angry or yell, really. Crying was certainly out of the question. Though, around his close friends, he shed a few tears before.

Armin let go of his hand and wrapped his arms around his waist. Erwin’s head came to a rest on Armin’s shoulder. He held the fabric of Armin’s pants between his fingers. “It’s true,” was all Armin said. He felt the dampness on his skin. Erwin’s breathing went ragged and his shoulders quaked. Armin held him close. It was the only thing he could offer him for the time being.

_ How could someone like Mike die just like that? _ Erwin asked himself, but he knew strength meant nothing against the titans. The titans could best even the strongest of the Survey Corps soldiers. That was something of important value to be remembered.

But  _ Mike _ .  _ Mike Mike Mike Mike. _

Armin pressed kisses along the top of Erwin’s head. His soft blond hair tickled his nose as he did. Armin planned on holding him for as long as it took for him to calm down. Armin caressed Erwin’s side with one of his hands and whispered soft nothings to him. He kept him close and offered as much comfort as he could.

Every kiss that Armin offered Erwin filled him with a warmth that he longed for. Being so asleep that he was dead to the world didn’t help. It made him long for the warmth and kisses that went unaware. Armin was his light and Erwin was Armin’s. They both undoubtedly felt that. After what happened to Erwin, Armin didn’t know what he’d do without him and that was scary. It scared him so  _ badly. _

When Erwin calmed and spoke, Armin placed a hand on his stubble lined jaw. “Mike and I were friends since we were Cadets. Nile, too.” His nose rattled when he sniffled. “They were the first friends I made while I was there. Mike was this tall, awkward shaggy kid who sniffed everyone. Nile was this sort of arrogant, kind of scraggly kid. I was sort of chubby, wasn’t quite grown into my eyebrows or nose yet, and obsessed with theories that my father came up with.

But anyway Mike and Nile were great friends. I had crushes on the both of them believe it or not.” Erwin chuckled. It was light and nothing forced. Armin moved his hand up and stroked underneath an eye, rubbing away the wetness from his tears. “It definitely started after staring one second too many at them in the showers.”

Armin smiled and snorted softly. “Sounds like you were just like any typical boy.”

“Well…” Armin was relieved to hear the smile in Erwin’s voice as he trailed off. Then Erwin took a moment to sit up. Armin helped steady him. Erwin gazed down at him and took his hand. “They were the greatest friends I could have asked for.”

Armin was sure they were. “At least he has his squad with him now so he’s not completely alone in death.”

“He and Nanaba can spend eternities together, too. They got together when we were Cadets. Were everyone’s couple goals.”

Armin squeezed his hand. “Do you think we’ll be together that long?”

“I want us to be, yes,” Erwin answered. “I want to be with you for as long as possible.”

Armin loved the sound of that. It was like music to his ears. His heart fluttered with happiness at the thought of being with Erwin for that long. He wanted it. He made his mind up to that much. He didn’t want to imagine a life without Erwin in it. Erwin meant so much to him already.

Armin smiled. His smile was enough to make Erwin’s heart flutter away. “I love you so much, Erwin.”

“I love you, too. Always.” Erwin leaned down and took Armin’s lips between his own. The two of them would never get tired of kissing one another. They’d never tire of each other’s company for as long as they lived.

“Thank you, Erwin, for risking your life—risking everything—to save Eren.”

“I’d do anything to make sure humanity has a future. I’d do anything for you, too, and the people who are near and dear to me.”

“You’re so kind and brave. That’s something I’ve admired since I started helping you in your quarters,” Armin said. Erwin nuzzled Armin with his nose, a light grin on his face. Armin’s Commander breathed in through his nose. It rattled again. Armin turned and grabbed a handkerchief that Sabine must’ve left there while he was out with his friends to give Erwin some alone time to rest. He held it under Erwin’s nose.

“Blow,” Armin instructed. Erwin nodded, cheeks warming, and emptied out his nose. Armin carefully folded it and blotted under Erwin’s nose, then set the handkerchief back on the nightstand.

Erwin’s icy blue eyes looked like they shone while he beamed at Armin. Armin placed both hands on the side of Erwin’s face, not minding the poke of his stubble. His lips found their way to Erwin’s again. Endless amounts of happiness and love coursed through their veins as their lips worked together and filled the room with the soft sound.

Just a Commander and his loved soldier.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a little over 2 months. I haven't had much time to write these days and I've been stuck on this chapter as well. Mostly because there's sex in this one and I'm terrible at writing sex. Though a special thanks to my friend from Tumblr [fictionaldong](https://fictionaldong.tumblr.com/) for proofreading the sex scene to make sure it was great. XD
> 
> If sex isn't your thing but you still want to read the chapter, go to the end notes and message me on Tumblr or drop me a comment and we can make arrangements.
> 
> Also, everything else wasn't betaed so again sorry for mistakes.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

“Is there anything I could get you, Mr. Smith?” Sabine asked as she opened the curtain to allow the sunlight to flow into the room. She turned around and smiled.

“More water please,” Erwin replied and offered a smile of his own. Sabine fetched the metal pitcher of water and poured some of the cold liquid into Erwin’s nearly empty glass. “Armin’s told me about you.”

In fact last night Armin told him how thankful he was that Sabine took such great care of him and how kind-hearted she was. She listened to him and his worries throughout the week Erwin was asleep. She was the only one he had to talk about Erwin to. He still had not told his friends about his relationship with the Commander.

“Oh!” Sabine was surprised. Her cheeks tinted pink and she chuckled. “Good things I hope.”

“Very good things. I’m glad that you were here for him to talk to so he wasn’t so alone. You seem like a very sweet young lady.” Erwin rubbed his lips together. “Thank you for all that you did to help me. I truly appreciate it.”

Sabine nodded. “That’s my job to make sure the patients are well taken care of and comfortable.” She clasped her hands together. “I’m glad you and Armin have one another. He really loves you. He was so worried about you the whole time. You were constantly on his mind.”

“He’s great,” Erwin said. His heart gave a little twinge. All of that worrying Armin did for  _ him _ .  _ He loves me. How is that all so possible? _ Erwin wondered. Erwin was the man the angry citizens turned against. The man they called a monster and put the blame on when their relative, friend, or partner didn’t come home from a mission outside the Walls. But Armin didn’t see him like that, no. Armin saw an incredibly smart, brave, courageous, kind, handsome man and fell in love with him.

“Where is Armin?”

Erwin’s attention snapped to her and he blinked a few times. “I asked for him to fetch me some clothes to put on. I’m getting tired of the gowns. They’re not very big for me.”

Armin was always tugging them down for him whenever they started riding up and exposing him. It left them both flustered, but neither one initiated anything. Armin didn’t want Erwin to feel weak afterward and Erwin pushed away from the desire since they were still in the hospital. It didn’t prevent either from craving one another’s intimate touches especially when memories from the night in the forest resurfaced.

Sabine nodded. “That’s fine. Whatever you’re the most comfortable with is okay.”

“How long do I need to stay here yet?” Erwin asked. He’d been awake for just about three days, though.

“Well your walking isn’t the greatest and you still don’t have a lot of strength. You tore your stitches out when you tried to use your right arm to sit up later that night when you woke up for the first time. We need to make sure that heals up properly so nothing goes wrong. At least another couple days.”

“I see.” Erwin didn’t sound convinced. He pressed further into the pillows that were holding him up and sighed. He wanted to get back to the headquarters already. “There’s so much that needs to be done when I get back. So many documents to read and sign.”

“I’m sure someone is taking care of all of that for you so you don’t have to spend all of that time when you can be relaxing and recovering.” Of course, Sabine didn’t know how the Survey Corps worked in that way. She hoped Erwin would be relaxing and not straining himself too hard whenever his first day back was. She wondered if Erwin was going to continue being Commander or not. Surely it was too dangerous to venture outside the Walls with one arm. She wondered if he was going to resign.

“My Squad Leaders, perhaps.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about.” Sabine smiled, then turned to the door when she heard it open. “Oh, there’s Armin.”

A warm smile instantly tugged on Erwin’s lips and Armin returned one right back. “Here’s your clothing,” he said, walking up to the bed and pecking Erwin on the lips.

Sabine smiled. They were a nice couple. “I’ll give you two some alone time. Armin, if he needs anything you know where to find me.”

Armin nodded.

“It was nice talking with you, sir,” Sabine said.

“Likewise. Have a great day,” Erwin replied. Sabine bowed her head and closed the door behind her.

Armin laid the clothes out on the bed then sat beside Erwin and took his hand. He brought back underwear, a black pair of pants, a gray tank top, and one of his white uniform shirts along with his casual shoes for later on when he was able to walk better.

“Thank you, Armin.” Erwin rubbed his thumb against Armin’s knuckles.

“Are you still feeling tired?” Armin asked.

“A bit, but it’s okay. I want to spend more time with you.” Erwin smiled.

“Do you want me to help you dress? I could give you a sponge bath as well so Sabine doesn’t have to,” Armin suggested.

Erwin nodded. “That would be nice.”

“Sit tight,” Armin said and kissed his cheek. He slid off the bed and picked up the little washbasin off the floor and went to the little sink in the corner of the room. He placed the basin in and turned the water on. He double checked that it wasn’t too hot. The water from the sink was room temperature to warm, but he wanted to make sure. The cold faucet didn’t work properly so for drinking water Armin usually requested water from the kitchen.

He filled the basin until it was nearly full and lugged it back to the nightstand. He placed the soap in the water along with the sponge that was sitting there. “I’ll help you with your gown.”

Erwin leaned forward and balanced himself with his left hand while Armin reached behind and undid the strings that held the gown in place. Armin carefully pulled it off of him and folded it neatly. He moved it to the corner of the bed.

When he looked at Erwin and found his gaze to be looking back at him, he forgot how to breathe for a moment. It was just like all the times when Erwin looked at him before their relationship started. The same look that always made Armin’s stomach feel like a million butterflies were fluttering in it. The same look that always made Armin forget momentarily where he was and what he was doing.

Armin’s eyes traveled down Erwin’s body. From his handsome face to his sculpted chest, to his washboard stomach, and strong arm and legs. His body looked no different aside from the missing arm than what it did before the mission. When Armin laid eyes on Erwin’s groin he sucked in the forgotten breath. He saw him naked a few times now to know what his body looked like. The night Armin had sex for the first time and the couple times he watched Sabine and Anja wash him. That was different, though. Erwin was awake when they had sex, of course. In addition, they didn’t have the moonlight and nighttime insects making noises around them. It was just the two of them.

They tried diminishing their intimate needs for one another until the need was forgotten. They were in a hospital for fuck's sake.

But Erwin. Erwin with his glorious cock half resting on his right thigh. Erwin parting his legs as Armin slowly climbed onto the bed, his shoes thudding on the floor and bouncing somewhere underneath the bed to be forgotten for a while. Erwin with his hand coming up and tracing his jaw with his fingers that Armin had been doing to his own sharp jawlines countless times while they were in the bed together after he awoke from his slumber. Erwin with a soft  _ “please” _ drifting off of his lips.

And then it was Armin taking the thick, warm appendage into his soft, warm hand and caressing it in small strokes, followed by Erwin’s hitching breath. “You’re...you’re not going to get too tired out from this?” he asked.

“No. Don’t stop,” Erwin breathed out, hips clenching and unclenching as Armin’s hand worked up and down his cock. The pleasure filled sounds from Erwin made Armin tingle. He couldn’t believe he was making him come undone just by using his hand. His hand wasn’t even that big compared to his. And Erwin’s cock was so big even if it wasn’t quite hard yet, but it was getting there. It was quickly growing stiff in his grasp.

Armin leaned forward and kissed him softly. Their eyes fell closed and Erwin’s arm snaked around Armin’s waist, pulling him closer. Armin rubbed over the warm head of his erection. He earned shivers from Erwin with each rub he made. The fact that Erwin was feeling so good because of him made him proud.

Armin poked at the slit with his tongue and Erwin went wild.  _ Erwin has a sensitivity? _ Armin pushed his tongue against the slit a few more times while he tried not to grin. Each time Erwin’s breath hitched and he emitted sounds Armin never thought he would ever make. It was unErwinlike, but special at the same time. Armin was the only one to witness the noises.

“Do you like that, Erwin?” Armin asked, a bead of precum dripping from his mouth and onto Erwin's thigh.

“Very much, yes.” A hint of desperation laced through Erwin’s voice. It made Armin giddy knowing he was the cause of it. That Erwin was desperate for  _ him. _

Armin poked at the slit a few more times with his tongue. He noticed it made Erwin writhe on the bed with each poke. He loved hearing the sounds he made and the way it consumed him, but the moving around worried Armin. He didn’t want him to accidentally tear his stitches or hurt his arm. His hand squeezed around Erwin’s cock and pumped it a few times.

“I want to try something different if that would be okay with you,” Armin said.

“What...what is it?” Erwin asked.

Armin gestured down between Erwin’s legs. He immediately shy, nibbling on his lower lip a couple times. His cheeks were a vibrant red shade. “Me—you know—inside you. If that’s fine.”

Erwin nodded, a soft breath leaving his lips at the bold suggestion. His eyes were frozen in place on Armin. The thought of Armin topping him—being  _ inside _ of him—sent a wave of pleasure and excitement to his cock. “I want it.” The hint of demand couldn’t be masked, but when Armin’s smile flashed, he breathed easier. Erwin would never get tired of that smile. That was for certain.

“I’ll be right back,” Armin said and went to the cabinet in the corner of the room. He searched through the contents carefully, in search of some oil that was safe to use as a lubricant. He pushed aside bandages and— _ aha! _ —he found a small bottle of clear liquid. Armin plucked it out of the corner and scanned the label to make sure it was safe.  _ Prostate examination, vaginal examination, anal examination, umbilical cords… _ That was perfect.

Armin made sure everything was exactly the way he found it before joining Erwin once more. He placed the bottle on the nightstand and quickly undressed, stopping as he got to his underwear, fingers underneath the waistband. It wasn’t nearly pitch black with just the moon illuminating their surroundings under the trees this time. Erwin was going to have a much better view of Armin today. Armin took a deep breath.

“What’s wrong?” Erwin asked, holding his hand out to Armin in concern.

“I never had sex with anyone until we did it in the forest that night let alone top someone. I don’t know if you will feel good by it or not. I’m not like you.” Erwin’s body was so incredible and it felt so  _ amazing _ when he topped Armin in the woods.

“Right. You’re not like me because you aren’t me. You’re Armin Arlert and that’s what makes you special. The size of your penis means nothing to me. It doesn’t change my feelings for you. You’re perfect.” Erwin said something similar to that before. Hearing it again made his heart flutter.

“Thank you,” Armin replied, putting his hand in Erwin’s and holding it for a moment. “Do you want to do the honors?” He glanced down at his underwear.

“Sure.” Armin stepped closer as Erwin reached for the waistband and gently pulled it down to free his cock. It sprung out and bobbed lightly. Erwin held his breath at the sight and swallowed thickly. Armin wasn’t big, but it didn’t matter to Erwin. Armin Arlert was still perfect because he was Armin Arlert.

Erwin looked up at Armin and held his gaze as he grabbed his cock and rubbed his large hand up and down the shaft. He listened to Armin’s breath hitch and the soft whimper that escaped his lips.

“Erwiiiin,” Armin instantly whined. His legs shook and reduced to the consistency of cooked noodles. He took a deep breath and swallowed. Erwin could make him come undone just as easily as well. “I won’t...get to pleasure you proper-properly.”

Erwin nodded and let go. Giving Armin a handjob was a bigger mess than them going anally. Erwin was going to need a thorough cleaning, though, once they were finished to get rid of any evidence of what they did to prevent leakage onto the clean linens.

Armin hopped onto the bed and settled back between Erwin’s legs. He coated his index, middle, and ring finger with the clear oil and slowly pushed the index past the tight ring of muscles and into Erwin. Armin watched Erwin’s face contort. “How does that feel?” he asked. He wanted to make sure Erwin wasn’t in too much pain. Arm pain was plenty and scary on its own.

Erwin’s eyelids were fluttering. “Great,” he replied. There was a small sting, but that was expected. After a few moments passed Erwin urged Armin to move his finger. Armin thrust forward and back in a gentle manner. He increased the speed when Erwin’s moans were more constant. His middle finger was then inserted and he scissored Erwin open. Erwin felt the sting once more and shuddered.

“How is that?” Armin asked, taking Erwin’s cock into his free hand. He rubbed it in slow, soothing strokes, not wanting him to get off too quickly before Armin was able to get to the main event.

“G-Great,” Erwin said once more, though his voice wavered, laced with pleasure. Armin smiled and spread his fingers back and forth while he sent the two thrusting forward and back. Erwin’s breathing hitched again. Armin squeezed his cock, eliciting a gasp.

Then Armin pushed in his third and final finger and Erwin thought he was going to lose it right there. His eyelids fluttered. Armin leaned forward and kissed him while he pumped his three digits in and out. Erwin’s ass practically swallowed them. Armin was glad his fingers were making Erwin feel that good despite them not being very long or very thick.

“Arm-Armin come oooonnnn,” Erwin whined. He stared at him with half-lidded eyes and a red flushed face. He was so eager.

“Someone’s a little frisky,” Armin teased and pulled each finger out one by one. Erwin wriggled on the bed at the loss of sensation in his anus. His erection rested full and heavy against his stomach as he watched Armin uncap the bottle of oil and coat his dick with it. Erwin’s length twitched with anticipation, a bead of precum leaking onto his stomach.

After Armin was done spreading the oil to cover himself well, he met Erwin’s gaze and blushed. Armin swallowed down his nervousness and said, “Are you ready?”

“Yes, Armin,” Erwin replied. “Please…”

Armin put his hands on Erwin’s hips and lined up with his entrance and pushed the head inside. He couldn’t believe it. He was topping  _ Erwin _ . It felt like a dream.

Erwin tilted his head back and sucked a breath through clenched teeth. His eyes were scrunched together.  _ “Ohhhh…” _

“Are you okay, Erwin?” Armin asked, rubbing soothing circles into Erwin’s thighs while he adjusted to Armin’s cock.

“Yes,” Erwin replied, gazing at him through half-lidded eyes again. “Please...I need more.”

Hearing the non-stop desperation coming from Erwin made Armin feel more and giddier each time. It was hard to believe that someone like Armin was able to make the  _ Commander _ act like that. Armin was proud and satisfied that he could satisfy Erwin.

He gave a nod and thrust in more until he was buried deep in Erwin’s ass. Armin leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s shoulders, lifting him up. Erwin’s arm wrapped around his narrow waist, his warm breath hitting his ear.

Armin started rocking his hips slowly. He wasn’t that big, but he still wanted to go easy so he didn’t hurt Erwin. He felt Erwin’s fingers press into his hot back. Erwin’s walls clenched around Armin a few times, making him let out soft moans.

Both of their moans and grunts filled the room when Armin picked up the pace. His balls slapped against Erwin’s skin to add to the mix. Erwin looked so angelic underneath Armin. He was so human yet so perfect. Someone Armin admired and looked up to since joining the Corps. Erwin was no monster like the ungrateful snobs thought he was.

As they both started approaching their climaxes, Armin mashed their lips together. He kissed Erwin with all of his might. He kissed him as he may never kiss him again. He kissed him to make up for the lost time when he was in the coma. When Armin was terrified that he was going to lose him. He kissed him because he truly loved him. Because he was Erwin and he was incredible.

And then Erwin broke the kiss and cried out Armin’s name as he came and clenched around him tightly Armin came twice as hard. Erwin’s orgasm was unlike any beauty that Armin seen and he was the cause of it. They were both panting, sweaty, sticky messes, but neither one cared.

Erwin’s eyes slipped closed. His warm breath was still hitting Armin as he panted. Armin still held him up. “Thank you,” he rasped, his voice catching. “Thank you so much, Armin.”

“You’re welcome,” Armin replied and pulled out. He carefully moved over and onto the bed and gently pushed Erwin back onto the pillow to lay. “Rest,” he urged softly. “I’ll take care of you.”

A tiny smile formed on Erwin’s lips. “Thank you,” he said again much softer.

Then Armin gave him one last kiss before he slid off the bed so he could clean themselves up with the nearly forgotten wash basin of water that was sitting near them.

Since Armin first started hanging around him, for once Erwin felt everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Tumblr: [commander-erwin-smith](https://commander-erwin-smith.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: [commander-erwin-smith](https://commander-erwin-smith.tumblr.com)


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